I might have missed it, but have you considered or tried out 650b wheels?
my wife is similar sized to you and got her the Kona Rove, 650b. Tires are 47mm WTB Ventures and Very comfy. Tubeless of course.
My $0.02 on some of Iowa gravel you do want >40mm tires. I’m a big Clyde however and need that larger contact patch and tire volume.