tire selection and inflation are important here at well. some say tubeless is harder on wheels however the ride is much better and greatly improves feel of the bike on any surface. I am an eighth ton man and ride 32's built mostly by Peter Chisholm out of Boulder. Ring him up and discuss your needs I doubt you will be disappointed. you can find him on Paceline forum he doesn't hang here much. and wheel building is a specialized skill that comes from repeating it hundreds of times making it unlikely for an amateur, especially with the problems you describe, to succeed on the first second or fifth try.