Originally Posted by banjaboy

Hey man, your post touched my heart and stirred some sad stuff in me. Heres my story, Im 70 years old tomorrow. Had a childhood where I thought I was not loved, like I was the black sheep, the unwanted one. My mother had a history to make me believe Im not genetically my "fathers" son. no real resemblance to anyone in my family. I was recently told, "You are a cuckoo", we all know what cuckoos do? At aged 14 I was sexually abused by a 35 year old woman for 2 years. Daily abuse, multiple times. Family knew nothing of this. Anyway, I limped emotionally through my teen years and at 19 met a very special woman, she soothed my soul, made me feel whoile again.....We had 3 kids, life was good for me at last, I felt I had worth, that I was normal..... In 2005 after 34 years of marriage, the love of my life passed away after she lost a 3 month fight against cancer that she could never win. I was devastated, my 2 older kids were grown, our youngest was 14, lost without her mother. I was totally utterly full of grief. The only reason I didnt jump off a bridge was my kids. I didnt shower for days, or brush my teeth, couldnt sleep in the bedroom, couldnt even go in there. I was a lost, broked soul, I just hung onto life by a thread. I gained 150, food was my drug of choice. This went on for 5 years then I turned a corner, I wne to Weight watchers, lost 150lbs partially due to getting back on my bike. Life was good again, diid some charity rides for cancer research.
I went to a fundraiser one day, started talking to a wonderful woman, she was a doctor, an oncologist, we talked, and we talked, and we talked, we never stopped talking.........We have now been married for 2 years, we have 5 kids between us, 6 grandkids and life is GOOD!!!!!!! I never ever ever thought I would be happy again. I was lucky, I found unconditional love twice in my life. These beautiful women saved me. Im whole now, Im happy, just now and then I go to this dark side of my soul and hide in my emotional cave but 99.99% of my life is good. This tale is not like your life but my point is life is vgood, wehen its so dark, so painful, so pointless, remember it will get better. My heart goes out to you my friend. Never give up and there is help out there, even on here there is help.