Psimet2001 

I am guessing that most of you already know about the loss of Kelly Catlin this last weekend. Serving in mostly a support role for highly competitive racers I have noticed, noted, and become concerned with the depths and heights of the highs and lows that seem to come hand in hand with those that can achieve at the highest levels of our sport. I used to flippantly asses new riders who wanted to achieve at the highest level and write them off as soon as I got to know them well enough to feel they were a well adjusted human. I used to often say, "you can't do that well unless you're broken inside".

I'm sure that's not true for everyone (I hope), and maybe it's just me trying to make light of what I acknowledge truly scares me.

It turns out that a recent concussion she had may have helped play a role according to her fraternal twin sister. I do not know for a fact but it appears she suffered a severe concussion, and was suffering affects while attempting to train. At least one individual stated she doesn't believe she had given enough time for recovery from that concussion.

I had a talk with one of this nation's up and coming racers while at the Cyclocross National championships this last fall. She had suffered a concussion and was pushing to get back to racing. She took the championships off but was running out the door to UCI track in France and couldn't wait. Her father and I both were urging her to take the time to fully recover. "I have known a lot of racers who try to come back too quickly and really dig themselves into a hole."

I found out about Kelly passing before it was made public. Friend of a friend in the track community with ties to the team - that kind of stuff. I debated what to do but felt like I needed to do something - to start a conversation if that's all I can do. Once her brother made his post I felt OK in posting it to our team page. I don't know what to do and I am no therapist. I feel like I am as much at risk as everyone else. Yet I just tried to relay the message that seems to be put out often - reach out to people, and offer to be here if anyone wants to talk and remind them no one is every really alone.

I was taken up on the offer a little later by someone I never would have thought would have. I remember at one point saying to others that I would take that person in a race against another tough competitor because our racer was "broken" and the other was "too stupid to be broken". That racer admitted to me that they have gone to dark places but that they are doing better today. "Seriously the looney bin scared the *#$ out of me".

I know most of you are more mature than me and already understand this but I guess I am just posting here because I think we sometimes underestimate the power of our brains and the intense fallout and effects that training and racing can have one our minds. The concussion factor has the ability to add to this in a way we can't really comprehend. Please be aware of that. Look for it in your teammates and competitors. It's OK to ask people how they're doing - even if we are just elitist roadies.

Hope you all are well.