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Answer a Moral Dilemma: To Render Aid or Not

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Answer a Moral Dilemma: To Render Aid or Not

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Old 02-26-22, 03:54 PM
  #1  
ArneDarvin
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Answer a Moral Dilemma: To Render Aid or Not

Do we, as recreational and competitive cyclists, have an obligation to help other cyclists in distress? Obviously if you're a competitive rider you're not likely to stop and help an opponent especially if you're in contention for winning or finishing well. But in other situations, what's the proper course of action? Let me explain:

Earlier this week during my regular morning ride, I encountered a younger male/female couple off on the side of a road that has a bicycle lane. The female was kneeling on the grass, the male was standing a respectful distance apart from her. Their bicycles were nearby. She didn't look to be in pain or discomfort, her face seemed relaxed to me. I did not see any cause for concern, but, some quiet alarms went off in my head like maybe this was more of a domestic dispute situation and not a riding injury so I passed them and continued my circuit. On my return to their location (I'm now on the opposite side of the street), I saw an older gentleman had pulled his car off to the side near the couple along with a fire truck also nearby. I guess it didn't register in my head that the woman had actually been injured and as proof an ambulance was turning the corner approaching the scene.

Did I do anything wrong by omission? I've been burned in the past by offering aid where none was needed or even wanted so my observations and experience said that I should not get near the couple. But encountering them again, I felt somewhat guilty for not having stopped and gotten more information.

What would you have done given these circumstances?

Feel free to berate me if you think it's warranted.

Thank you for your time...

Last edited by ArneDarvin; 02-26-22 at 03:56 PM. Reason: Adding a thank you...
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Old 02-26-22, 04:02 PM
  #2  
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From the scene you describe, I would have slowed or stopped to ask if everything was OK. I don't understand your comment though about being burned in the past. Any time this has ever happened to me, none of my assistance was needed and politely declined. Turn the situation around. Were you distressed would you want someone showing concern?
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Old 02-26-22, 04:06 PM
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I'm not sure how you could get "burned" for offering roadside assistance. If not needed, the person will tell you.

If it is needed, the person is usually appreciative.

And, perhaps someone will stop the next time you need assistance beside the road.
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Old 02-26-22, 04:07 PM
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A quick callout like, "Do you need me to call someone?" would have been a nice gesture, but since she wasn't alone, visibly injured, or in an isolated area, you should let yourself off the hook. Since everyone carries a phone nowadays, I'm less tempted to intervene unless it seems obvious that I need to.
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Old 02-26-22, 04:11 PM
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ArneDarvin
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To answer your question regarding being burned in the past: In my eagerness to help, a number of folks were less than polite in refusing my assistance. Situations where a simple, "No thank you," would have been fine, I've been the recipient of things from dirty looks to angry statements of refusal. Enough times where I don't step in until I know help is going to be accepted.

But you're right, had I been on the opposite side of the situation, I probably would have wanted a simple, "Are you OK?" Generally, unless I'm unconscious, I'm probably going to get myself out of any sticky situation.
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Old 02-26-22, 04:22 PM
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If it seems appropriate I call out asking if anyone needs help. My offer is usually declined but I have stopped a couple times to help.

Based on the scene you describe I might have called out or I might not have since there were other people there already. Nothing to worry about imo.
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Old 02-26-22, 04:33 PM
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Originally Posted by ArneDarvin
To answer your question regarding being burned in the past: In my eagerness to help, a number of folks were less than polite in refusing my assistance. Situations where a simple, "No thank you," would have been fine, I've been the recipient of things from dirty looks to angry statements of refusal. Enough times where I don't step in until I know help is going to be accepted.
Absolutely. The risk reward is clearly in favor of not offering needed help when the downside is someone might give me a dirty look or say something rude.

You know how many times someone's said something nasty when I offered to help? Neither do I because I forget about it as soon as it's said.
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Old 02-26-22, 05:36 PM
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Surely one or the other of the couple had a greater responsibility to call out for help (if it were required) than you had to offer it uninitiated.
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Old 02-26-22, 05:58 PM
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Just ask a fast question whitout dismounting your own bike "is everything okay?" , at least if they don't need help they just reply with a no.
Honestly i've been in situation were i needed help , and most situation i found someone who help me. But the most important episode was when i crash and i had a concussion, during that episode a stranger with the help of my friends put me inside his car and then drove fast as possible to leave me at the hospital. I'am always ready to help , one summer a girl felt while she was walking , i just leaved my car in the middle on the road to jump and help her... Luckily she just fainted and full recovered in minutes , but in those minutes i already ordered to the nearest people around to gave me a chair , some water and call an ambulance. When she recovered i felt a good feeling because at first sight i helped someone even if i done a little bit and then the satisfation because the people around me were doing everything i ordered!

help others is always a good sensation , but helping a fellow cyclist is even more important for me because i have the feeling of being part of the same group , even if i do not know the cyclist who need help.

Do not hesitate to be burned , people being aggressive to others with good intention are just idiots and deserve nothing.

Also do not blame yourself , you just said they were a couple. If one of them had a problem the other one can call for help or stop anyone near them.

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Old 02-26-22, 06:06 PM
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Domestic issues are tough. Being a member of John Q Public and noticing the partner in distress may trigger the abuser to more violence later in private. We don't get to know this. I try my best to be quiet enough to "hear" my hunches and act accordingly.
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Old 02-26-22, 06:13 PM
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I can forgive the part about riding by without offering assistance, but the lack of celly pics & video for the MetaGramSpace page is wholly inexcusable.
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Old 02-26-22, 06:37 PM
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I always offer assistance and provide help where I can. As noted earlier a quick, Do you need help? Is often all thats needed. Life is about choices, getting involved and offering assistance to our community is pretty small potatoes..

best regards
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Old 02-26-22, 06:56 PM
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I wouldn't sweat it. The first time you went by the guy looked OK and the gal might have just been exhausted, or if she really was having health issues he could have assisted her. Third possibility would be something of a 'domestic nature', which you wouldn't/shouldn't want to get involved with. Most folks I go by are simply changing a flat tire and seem to be doing OK as I approach them, I just give a quick little wave and keep going by.
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Old 02-26-22, 07:15 PM
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.
...I'm a moral relativist, so I would've had to be there to answer well.
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Old 02-26-22, 07:30 PM
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Originally Posted by AdkMtnMonster
I can forgive the part about riding by without offering assistance, but the lack of celly pics & video for the MetaGramSpace page is wholly inexcusable.
Not offering assistance seems to be forgiven.
Not taking pics saves me from being creepy too.
Can you imagine if the situation was more serious and I stopped, asked about conditions, then whipped out the phone for a video while the EMTs did their thing? If that's not the definition of creepy...

Look, thank you all for your very kind comments and I promise to do better next time.
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Old 02-26-22, 07:44 PM
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Funny that when riding we feel an impulse to come to another cyclist's aid, but when we are driving and we encounter a fellow motorist on the side of the road, we blithely roar by.
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Old 02-26-22, 08:27 PM
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Originally Posted by ArneDarvin
Did I do anything wrong by omission?
Yes, you knew something was wrong, I understand that you're most likely not trained or equipped to to deal with the scenario you thought was unfolding, but the correct thing to do would be follow your gut, call 911 and explain what you see, from a distance, and have the police respond and make sure all is well.
You and anyone reading this should never think it's a bad idea to call 911 and get help coming when your spidie sense tells you something is wrong. The police spend all day responding to all kinds of dangerous, frustrating, and annoying jobs, and don't mind if you're call turns out to be unnecessary. Time is critical though, if you believe there's trouble, don't hem & haw, make the call, and if the situation seems dangerous, violent, or you think the people involved are armed, be clear about that so those responding have as much information as possible before arriving.
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Old 02-26-22, 08:50 PM
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You should certainly ask if folks need help and in a situation like that if the man answers and the lady is quiet you should ask the lady specifically and if the man say something that you find suspect then you might consider escalating to 911 as needed. However one should never just jump to the nuclear football until you are certain you cannot provide assistance or cannot confirm someone is all right. 911 is not always the most helpful and in some cases can make things quite a bit worse to being fatal so use only as absolutely needed.

It never hurts to ask someone if they need help, a lot of times they will say no and you can go about your way and if they say yes you can do as much as you feel comfortable with in supporting them. I ask people all the time just to check and usually they say no and I say have a great day and ride on and if they do need help I will usually help because I enjoy bikes and helping people. I would agree with Rolla we do tend to just roll by as motorists and stop as cyclists but I think motorists tend to have a lot more support or at least have means of making something occur or at least be out of the elements.
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Old 02-26-22, 09:07 PM
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To answer the OP’s question: I’ve stopped in the middle of races to help other riders with mechanical problems… I would certainly stop to help someone having physical problems.

To address the OP‘s other concern: lots of people who are in desperate need of assistance decline it out of embarrassment. It doesn’t mean you should not offer.
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Old 02-26-22, 09:11 PM
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I always ask, "Everything okay?" from my bike, at a reasonable distance. I've always gotten a polite 'no thanks' and I continue on my way. There was the one time the guy replied, 'Hey, want to go to a party?' I politely said 'no thanks' and continued on my way (perhaps a bit faster). I'll keep asking if folks need help; it just seems the right thing to do.
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Old 02-26-22, 09:19 PM
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Originally Posted by ArneDarvin
I've been burned in the past by offering aid where none was needed or even wanted so my observations and experience said that I should not get near the couple.
A man needs to be really careful before he chooses to play chivalry to another female.

Sorry, but I have too much to lose and little to gain by helping someone that can potentially screw my life to hell.

Can thank that to #metoo and #mgtow

I would take my phone and start rec video before I approach her. That's not illegal.

Otherwise this happens:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...pologises.html
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Old 02-26-22, 09:33 PM
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Originally Posted by veganbikes
911 is not always the most helpful and in some cases can make things quite a bit worse to being fatal so use only as absolutely needed
This is a ridiculous statement.....
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Old 02-26-22, 09:37 PM
  #23  
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For the last 30 years, I have offered help as well.

Many years ago I did need help and a kind person stopped and helped me out. Since then, I have helped three people with mechanicals and it was always a good feeling. Unlike you, when ever I offer help, I always receive, “No, thank you”, or “I’m good, thanks”.

I can understand not wanting to get involved in a possible domestic dispute but out on the street, there is less chance of any blowback.

Have to say that many years ago I was riding through the University of Washington arboretum and passed an older gentleman very slowly jogging toward me who was bright red in the face and looked terrible. I regret to this day not stopping and asking if he needed medical assistance, and since then have always pledged to offer help.
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Old 02-26-22, 09:38 PM
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If I see someone who I think might need help, I ask them. Most times they answer "No, thanks" and that's all. But once my not requested help might have saved a life: One night was riding on a busy road with a 60kph speed limit (cars were going much faster though) when I noticed another rider with no lights zigzagging from the curb to the middle of the road. Drivers were honking and yelling at him, but no one stopped. I guessed the guy was drunk or on drugs, so I thought he might not react well to my intervention. Nevertheless, I rode along him and said something like "Hey, are you OK? You're in danger, there are a lot of cars and you might get hit. Why don't us stop and chat a little?" Surprisingly, he took it well. We stopped and sat, and it was evident he was very drunk. He was going in the opposite direction he wanted to. I persuaded him to rest there for a while and call someone to go get him. After 10 minutes or so I left, he stayed there. Later I thought I should have waited for the help to arrive, but there were no reports of any accidents the day after, so maybe it worked...
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Old 02-26-22, 10:08 PM
  #25  
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I always ask, mostly something like "All good?" in this casual situation like you mention and I don't care if I get a curt reply as I find as will you there comes times when a little help goes a long way. Simply moving a crashed bike into someone spouces or dad's bike can mean a lot to someone's family.
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