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Post a Lie about the poster above - Volume 2

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Post a Lie about the poster above - Volume 2

Old 07-28-21, 06:14 AM
  #16951  
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Speaking of pants...

Ahsposo swore to him that putting a potato in his pants will attract girls. "Try it! It works really great!", he said.

So Skijor, mentally rehearsing the lies that he'd tell all of the women he'd eventually gather around him, stuffed a potato into his Carhartt's, and headed to the dance.

Not only did he not attract any girls, but several guys took him out back and beat the living sh*t out of him.

The next day, Ahsposo dropped by Skijor's place to find out how he did.

"It was horrible!", Skijor cried. "The ladies just pointed at me and laughed."

Ahsposo scratched his chin and pondered. This technique always worked for him. Why was it so dramatically different for Skijor?

Skijor offered his friend a coffee, and when he turned around to pour it, Ahsposo saw that he had shoved the potato into the back of his pants.

Ahsposo sipped his coffee and offered, "Perhaps the potato ploy isnt for you, my friend."
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Old 07-28-21, 12:21 PM
  #16952  
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His HOA forbids any lies that exceed two sentences.
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Old 07-28-21, 01:05 PM
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Was forced to sign an accord stating that he will not offer any sentences that are lie-free.
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Old 07-28-21, 02:55 PM
  #16954  
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...I say po-tay-to, and he says po-tah-to.
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Old 07-28-21, 03:39 PM
  #16955  
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He's looking for a horn to swoggle...
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Old 07-28-21, 05:04 PM
  #16956  
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...I say to-may-to, and he says to-mah-to.
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Old 07-28-21, 05:05 PM
  #16957  
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...he's been thinking about calling the whole thing off.
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Old 07-28-21, 05:41 PM
  #16958  
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Would like to "get it on" if he knew what "it" is and where "on" might be...
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Old 07-28-21, 06:57 PM
  #16959  
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gets it on with a gong.... and, it's a bang!!!
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Old 07-28-21, 07:44 PM
  #16960  
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...recently bought the entire DVD collection of old Gong Show episodes, on the Home Shopping Network. Chuck Barris, CIA secret agent and game show host, is one of his personal heroes .
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Old 07-28-21, 07:56 PM
  #16961  
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Recently stole direct to video Russian porno remake of the Cats movie called Catz in Kremlin Hole from the Dollar Store dumpster. All the cats are gophers and are played by Mike Lindell, a bad Russian Nicholas Cage impersonator, a hologram of Michael Jackson, Ron Jeremy and an old Russian grandma. Has already watched it 50 times last week has already ordered 20 more copies from a clearly scam website to give to his kids.
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Old 07-28-21, 08:18 PM
  #16962  
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...likes to include close captioning for all his lies. It costs more, but he feels it's better than subtitling.
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Old 07-28-21, 08:41 PM
  #16963  
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Likes to customize his lies; for those of us with reading disabilities (Bless Your Hearts) he accompanies his with rude hand gestures...
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Old 07-29-21, 05:50 AM
  #16964  
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Uses hand gestures with his friends when he wants to get up and use the restroom. His wild gesticulating catches people off guard, and nobody really knows what he's saying, or why he holds up three fingers when he needs to go take a number two.
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Old 07-29-21, 12:26 PM
  #16965  
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Keeps losing the 317 cap after refilling his malarkey fluid.
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Old 07-29-21, 02:18 PM
  #16966  
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Has some unusual looking dogs; I asked him about the breed and he explained "They are an ancient breed, mentioned in the Bible. They are the famous Hounds of Hell."
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Old 07-29-21, 02:35 PM
  #16967  
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Annoys his local hotdog vendor by referring to his wares as "Hounds of Hell."

"I'll have two of your finest hounds of hell," he shouts, deliberately holding up three fingers.

"...and hold the ketchup. Only dickheads put ketchup on hotdogs."

The vendor just shakes his head and hands the two hotdogs over, softly humming the Oscar Mayer wiener song to himself.
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Old 07-29-21, 05:29 PM
  #16968  
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Is such a grammar notsee. He insisted on buying punctuation on WoF.
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Old 07-29-21, 06:42 PM
  #16969  
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Is fantastically wealthy thanks the the well producing oil of Olay he has in his backyard.
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Old 07-29-21, 10:55 PM
  #16970  
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Purposely left the jailer's key in my cell door, will soon let loose the blood hounds, then set the clock, sit back, and watch how long it takes for them to have me treed.
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Old 07-29-21, 11:17 PM
  #16971  
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...lies are written by men like he, but only god can make a tree.
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Old 07-30-21, 04:27 AM
  #16972  
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Sat down in front of his computer to post in this thread, but instantly realized that he was suffering from liar's block. Realizes his repertoire of lies is all tapped out now that we have a new president. Realizes that all of his lies over that last few years had an orange tint around the edges.
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Old 07-30-21, 05:35 AM
  #16973  
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When he has liar's block he reaches for his box of chewable FactsLax for fast, fast relief.
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Old 07-30-21, 07:34 AM
  #16974  
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For the last two years, he's been blaming the moles for digging up his Dunkin Donut stashes that he buries in his back yard.
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Old 07-30-21, 08:23 AM
  #16975  
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Backup liar for ahsposo. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
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