tempocyclist

I get everything carried for me in the team support car that follows me on every ride...

GhostRider62

Be careful, the Fondue poseurs won't wave to you.

cyccommute 

Jersey pocket. No, it doesn’t hit the saddle. “Serious riders” don’t wear shorts with pockets. We do wear “shirts” with pockets. But the pockets are in the back.

gringomojado

Seriously?

gm

kahn

I recently added a rather small "burrito" handlebar bag for the cellphone. That way I can hear it ring but more importantly gain access to it to take photos along the way.

The rest, wallet, keys, goes in one pannier along with tools, spare, etc.

Rolla

Credit card and a 20 go in a holder that’s stuck to the back of my phone. Phone goes in a pocket. On the rare occasion that I drive to the start, it’s a mountain bike ride, in which case car keys go in my hydration pack. Otherwise, I don’t carry them.

Troul 

if you dedicate a pocket to a banana & you shake your fist after a vehicle passes you no matter how much berth is given will render your status serious, seriously.

billridesbikes

Some of my keys do

badger1

But ... but ... then where does the burrito go? Do burritos not have a right to adequate housing?

I blame creeping gentrification; burritos displaced from their own bags by 'cellphones' and other such devices. Disgusting.

Squeeze

Under-seat bag and/or cargo shorts (over cycling shorts for longer rides).

indyfabz

My keys and wallet are firmly tucked away. Phone for photos in a jersey pocket. Seriously.

Warbird21

Most of the underseat bags I checked out would not hold my Samsung S7 (or S something..) android phone, just too small. I found a Topeak that barely fits it, C02 canister, car keys. Spare tube won't fit, it's strapped to the seat post.

NoWhammies

I have pouch made of recycled inner tubes. I keep my phone, ID, a bit of cash, a face mask, and my house key in there. I have tied the house key to a string that is attached to the zipper so that if I open up my pouch along the way - say to pay for a coffee - that the house key doesn't fall out without my knowledge.

veganbikes

"HOT POCKETS" - Jim Gaffigan.

Is that a Metric hour or Imperial? Also above or below the equator?

You need to get cooler keys then.


As a solid joke cyclist I don't usually have my keys, "I use your mother's Trebeck!" - Sean Connery.
Q: What is the hardest part of learning how to ride a bike?
A: The Road

Napoleon Dynamite was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, Pedro, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. Napoleon was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?" Pedro replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'" Napoleon nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Two Nuns were riding a tandem along Acorn Street in Boston, Massachusetts. The Nun on the back seat (the stoker) remarked "I've never come this way before" The Nun on the front (the captain) said "Must be the cobble stones"

Litespud

I carry a credit card, insurance card and drivers license, a few dollars cash and my phone in a ziploc baggie in my jersey pocket. Mini pump and garage door opener in another, and pepper spray for dogs in the third

krakhaus 

I use one of these. Fits my phone, wallet, patch kit, spare tube, and a multi tool.

kahn

Are you a waver or a waiver?

zandoval 

Wallet, phone, Hyland's, in a thin flat one pocket fanny pack around my waist. I also have a tool kit under my seat.

Rarely, and only If absolutely necessary, a small device for protection on a break away string under my shirt...

caloso

Jersey pockets, duh.

Branko D

I have a cycling wallet with my phone, cards, ID and cash, actually use it as an everyday wallet, too. Goes in my jersey pocket and is to an extent rain / sweat repellent.

MyRedTrek

I find this Outdoor Products pack to be perfect - place for wallet, keys in one side pocket, M&P Shield 9mm nestled in a foam insert I made for it - offers quick access (fortunately hasn't been needed) and no issue with printing or being held securely - Motorola cell phone, nose-blowing tissues, Hex multi-tool in the other side pocket - keeps it all in a compact package which I wear to the rear when biking and it doesn't impede pedaling and I find it to be comfortable. I keep tire repair stuff in a compact saddle bag.

My Motorola G7 just does fit in that 2nd pocket, a larger phone probably wouldn't.

The first one I got at Walmart, they don't have them anymore, fortunately I found they're available on eBay - after a few years the first one is starting to show some wear so I got a new one. It's my intention to replace the quick-release buckle with a beefier one, haven't yet.

livedarklions

I stop my ride at the FedEx store, overnight my wallet and phone to myself, go on the ride and then when I receive the wallet and phone the next day, start the cycle again. I keep my keys in a small pouch I had surgically constructed on my left hip.

PeteHski

My phone, credit card, key and a bit of cash goes in a small waterproof pouch in my back jersey pocket. I deliberately have a fairly compact phone (iPhone 6s).

martianone

From the various comments,
sounds like my 16 km commute does not qualify as a serious ride ?
propose a new definition- to be serious, your bike has to cost more
than your cell phone and bike only be used for recreational functions.

Branko D

I commuted on a race bike now and then but it's not the sort of thing you make public on Strava, imo, ergo not a serious ride.