Eric F

As I said, the bike wasn't the only factor in the divorce. The story is like a country song...My ex-wife married my ex-friend, and are living in my ex-house with my ex-dog. All I got was a pickup truck and a guitar.

That's a true story....except for the "all" part. I got a few other things, like a few $K in bikes.

Life is a twisted road.

seypat

One other thing to remember. You can't force anything on them. Expose them to lots of different things and see what takes. Their lives won't go exactly as you have them planned. Nothing wrong with that. It's their life, not yours. Be grateful and accepting of that.

Koyote

I got there via a different route, but also have a second marriage. Been with her a long time, now, so it's solid. Best part: she's much younger, prettier, smarter, and more accomplished and ambitious than I am...which means I semi-retired in my early 50s, fully retired last year at 59, and now I can ride all I want and buy practically anything I want.

Again, like I wrote earlier in the thread: you can have it all -- just not all at once.

Eric F

Truth!!...and some seriously wise advice.

Eric F

Test wife vs. keeper wife.

Koyote

Yeah. The problem is that, once you have a kid with someone, you can never really be completely divorced. The person will always be present in some form or another. But I've gotten used to the smell of sulfur.

Eric F

I'm, thankful that Test Wife and I maintained an amicable relationship during the shared-custody phase, and were both flexible to accommodate changes in schedules, etc. Our kid having baby, however, has changed the dynamic a bit as we revel in our grandparent status.

genejockey 

I got into cycling as an indirect result of us having kids. When The Older Boy was about 3 or 4, I was at a park playing chase with him, and found myself getting winded. "Cripes! I'm only 38!" I thought, and got a bike for the 2 1/2 mile ride to work, which started the whole ball rolling for me and cycling.

HOWEVER, even though I bought bikes for both boys, and updated them as they got bigger, they never had more than a marginal interest in it. I was disappointed, but our childhoods were very different. I grew up in a small town with nothing to do and miles of back roads all around. They grew up in a suburb, where their friends lived miles away, which would have required riding on streets and roads that I'm afraid to ride on as an adult.

Eric F

My kids never showed much interest in my hobbies, either. The younger one picked up a guitar for a bit, learned a few chords, and bits of a couple of songs, but it didn't stick. With both of mine, I told them that I would financially support their sports/activities/hobbies in proportion to how much of their own time and effort they put into it. My older daughter's biggest thing was HS cheer, but not much outside of that. Being social was her hobby. With my younger daughter, I spend a LOT of money on softball-related stuff - gear, team dues, travel, etc. There was hope that she would turn her significant talent for the game into helping pay for college, but it was never a requirement. Despite getting plenty of interest from college coaches, she decided to hang it up after a final summer of travel ball before she left for school. I will never regret the money spent. She had awesome experiences, and the two of us had a lot of fun together traveling to exotic tournament destinations like Salinas and Modesto (if you know, you know - lol).

Chuck Naill

I am sorry for your losses, but to encourage you, I still paddle, ride, hike, and camp with my children and now grandchildren.

My only bike is the Subaru of bikes, a Kona Sutra.

Eric F

Meh. Life happens. As I said before, everyone's journey is different.

GhostRider62

My kid was more fun than my bike ever was.

I bought a lightweight kids trailer and took my child to the park by bike to play on the swings, sandbox, and other kids.

Once 4 years old, taught him to ride in maybe 10 minutes and then we would ride the streets until he was about 11 and then dad wasn't cool enough anymore. We found other activities to share at that point.

In short, riding didn't take a backseat, it took the trunk and no regrets.

Chuck Naill

I remember taking the twin grandchildren down the Creeper Trail when they were 2. I'd rather have done that than any other bike use. I got the male child a bicycle last year and did a mountain bike trail. I did a trail earlier with the remake twin. All good!!

rivers

I have a 13 month old. Up until he was about 6-7 months old, it was really easy to get some time in on the trainer. I used to just pop him in his pram next to me so I could give my wife a break, and do a workout or a ride. From 7 months to a year old, it was difficult. He wasn't sleeping well, my wife was back to work, etc so if I had the energy, I would do a session when everyone was asleep (I was also commuting 3 hours/day so was knackered most evenings). He's sleeping better, I commute 90 minutes a day now (some days fully by bike other days bike/train), get most of my sessions in and try to get outside for a ride with friends a couple of times/month.

phrantic09

I have two girls aged 11 and 10. I’m divorced from their mom and we do not have an amicable relationship, but the girls, their stepmom and I have a pretty good life and they want for nothing, including quality time with their parents.

Divorce from their mom was unrelated to cycling, more so the long days and nights at the office, trying to get ahead to provide a life that was never quite good enough (but always complaining about the required work time that came along with being able to provide a certain lifestyle). I digress..

Ultimately, you have to figure out what your priorities are. Even with 2 kids, being a mid level executive, and a busy schedule of sports and activities I still managed 6,300 miles last year. I did it by getting up at the crack of dawn, getting out and getting my miles in, much like what bampilot06 suggested. Some days I start work at 6 and sneak out for a quick 20 at lunch while they’re at school. But I also accept that there are times I can’t ride.

I don’t miss softball games or track and XC meets unless I’m traveling for work. If the kids are with their mom, sometimes I rode to or from softball games and my wife meets me. You really just have to find out what works for you, and it likely won’t be what you expect.

RB1-luvr

I had my first child at 51 and was prepared to give up cycling almost completely after decades of training, racing and touring. I did not have to do that. They are 5 and 7 now, and only someone as into cycling as me would have two kids who want nothing to do with bicycles. They currently don't even have bikes.

_ForceD_

You’re not alone. My kids are older now…24 and 27…but in spite of all the cycling I’ve done for longer than they’ve been alive, and all I’ve done since their birth; all the child seat bike rides I took them on as kids…neither of them has had a scintilla of interest in bike riding. They had bikes as kids, but really didn’t ride them much. It was a little disappointing to me. Not disappointed in the kids…they’re both good kids…just that they didn’t take any interest in the things I enjoy. When they were little I was doing a lot of triathlons. In addition to bike rides, I had a jogging stroller for them, and also took them to the pool a lot. I facilitated activity, but didn’t force them. I came to realize that it’s a “lead a horse to water” thing. They just didn’t want to do it.

Dan

MoAlpha

When the kid came along and spouse's and my careers took off, I took up running (which I had done on and off since college) and dipped a toe into Masters swimming. Enjoy the kids and put in the time to be a real presence in their lives. They will pay you back 100-fold and disappear before you know it.

noimagination

Fortunately my kids (2) were born only 15 months apart, so I only had to give up cycling (and skiing) for about 3 years until they were old enough that they did not need quite as much attention. Riding in the early morning wasn't an option, since I was responsible for burping after feeding (mom went back to sleep), and even after they were weaned they were early risers (between 5 and 5:30 almost every morning).

I did get some time on the Nordictrack for those three-ish years, but at that time my family (and work, of course) were my priorities so I got structured exercise maybe 1 - 3x (max.)/week.

Honestly, I was so busy I didn't miss it much. Those 3-ish years flew by pretty quickly. No regrets.

Russ Roth

For me cycling became a secondary thought once the first came along, I'd grab rides when I could a couple times a week but they were never very long, 30 milers at best most times. The key was once the first was a year old I bought a trailer to go riding and she could come along. They're great for the bike paths and even better for the wind resistance training. You'll still be limited though, no taking them out in mid-august for 3 hour rides, same with mid-january. Its hard for a communicative creature like a kid to tell you they're suffering, but an hour and a half of pulling the trailer will be a better workout then 3 without. When the second came along my wife was happy to occasionally let me take the older while she napped with the younger, since she also rode somewhat, once the middle kid hit 1, we did a trail-a-bike on her bike and the trailer on mine. Kid three put a slow down on all of this, three is a totally different juggling act and harder to deal with. But after the first year we sometimes had 2 in the trailer and a trail-a-bike or real slow rides of one in the trailer, one on a trail-a-bike, and one riding along.
Once the oldest started school we started riding, she loved it, and it meant a 1 mile ride each way, 2x a day, most days. I was lucky and the oldest came to love cycling, and we were able to get her into a youth program, the younger two are following in her footsteps with a little less enthusiasm. There are other sports, the middle kid likes roller derby, the youngest doesn't seem to like any particular sport but at 7 I'm not worried and he still rides. Key for us is varying the riding we do, they all love the mud and camaraderie of cyclocross, the middle and youngest love mtb while the oldest goes along but loves road the most. I still get in some solo rides from time to time but now I have a 12yo that's about to offer me real challenges. I might not be as fast as I was, by a long shot, nor as light, and getting beaten by some of her 14 and 15yo teammates can be a little demeaning, but its been totally worth it, and I expect to get much faster this year as the 12yo is going to start being a challenge and I have to work to make sure she doesn't beat me yet. We do a tour every year, last year's was more of a series of long rides over multiple states across the country, but full loaded tours including Prince Edward Island, The Erie Canal, and this year the Gap and C&O, and root for them at races.






Here's the 12yo sporting a NYS champion jersey having beaten her mom and a couple other ladies racing Cat 4/5 in the Hudson Valley.

Leinster

There were fewer cars, and they were smaller and slower when we were 10. Nowadays you need to be somewhere with good bike infrastructure (protected lane, etc) and so much of everywhere is so car dependent…


Anyway, off my soapbox. For the first few years there was a lot of towing littles around in a trailer. Since Covid there’s been a lot of getting up at 6 to ride before they want breakfast. The twins are 7 now, so they can ride to the playground etc and get a bit of the way up the MUP.

Longtail cargo bikes are great for doing school runs. We just upgraded to a cargo ebike, to add range, and maybe so I can do morning drop off and get to the office not-sweaty.

timtak

I took up cycling when I became a dad. At first I'd ride to the destination of family outings, put the bike in the back of our car (Subaru station wagon/ Toyota Noah minivan) and drive back. Then I'd get up at about 5 am to cycle. Now in winter at least, I jog in the mornings and make my commute an hour each way, because there are fewer family outings. I miss them.

blacknbluebikes 

This is simply a new bike opportunity staring you right in the face. You go right out there and buy yourself a hard-tail mountain bike and put a kiddie seat on the back. As soon as the kid can sit up comfortably, you are outta the house, on the bike, with the short one. The wife goes back to sleep. You climb the same hills with an additional 20-30 lbs on board, thus building strength and maintaining tan lines. And you build wife-points, which, in your new-dad state, do have a half-life of about three days.

Check Thule's offerings.

Eric F

That's the wisdom that comes from experience, right there, in black and white.

Camilo

Parenting, spouse/partner, work first, cycling secondary. It's not complicated.