gpburdell

Not sure what you're looking for here? You missed the opportunity to set things straight with the BF by not inspecting the stuff on its return. Later on when you discovered the damage, she made a good faith effort to settle things. You chose not to accept that offer for the reasons stated.

Seems like the matter is settled.

himespau 

This

bruce19

What I was looking for was other perspectives. And, that's what I'm getting. So, thank you all. But, just to be clear. When I picked up the shifters from I went straight to the LBS which is literally 12 mi. from her house (where I picked up the shifters) on the same road. It was the LBS that said it appeared to be an installation screw up. I understand that none of us actually saw it happen. OTOH you can't snap a lever unless that lever is secured by one end to something.

Leinster

...is the end of the story, IMO.

Koyote

@bruce19 : It seems like you really are trying to help this person, and you are shrugging off the broken shifter. I totally understand, and appreciate that you are ready to let it go. As I've gotten older and a bit more affluent, I try to help out newer riders in the same way that people once helped me, and I expect nothing in return. Life is too short to get worked up over such things.

DonkeyShow

Soo much of life is a waste. At least op tried to help somebody.

jack pot 

>>> the text book E BAY buy & refund switch ................................................as for the OP, anyone who waste a second thought on stuff like this needs a Xanax refill

delbiker1 

Personally, I think the poster handled the situation in a fine manner. I think it likely that the woman knew what happened, she should have owned up to it, but letting her slide on the dollars was a needed kind act. My only criticism is the post shows the OP is not over it. Let it go.

Rolla

If learning the limits of a friend's integrity only costs you an old shifter that was collecting dust, I'd say you got off pretty cheap.

livedarklions

For some reason, taking the $100 didn't seem right to you so you didn't take it. Second-guessing that is going to make you feel bad. Let it go and if you sell something to her again, as is, no refunds. I doubt that'll come up, she's likely either too embarrassed (BF did it) or guilty (she did it) about it to ask you again.

bruce19

I am over it to the point of feeling there is anything more to do. I just thought it was an interesting situation and was wondering how others viewed it and/or would have reacted. Just wondering if there was a perspective I hadn't considered.

bruce19

Just to be clear, I am not second guessing my decision.

Troul 

Is their something that you took away from it? I'm only curious, & understand if you wish to not elaborate on it.

LarrySellerz

someone when people get in awkward social situations they become avoidant and just ignore the issue. It sounds like she knows she’s in the wrong and probably feels bad about “ghosting” but doesn’t know what to say. She already offered to give back the $100
it’s sad to lose someone you’ve known for 10 years over $100 and perceived dishonesty. Just offering that opinion OP.

njkayaker

You were kind of dismissive. It wasn't just "parts in a bin". It was (somewhat) valuable parts. It's reasonable not to be happy about the waste.

DonkeyShow

Op denied the return of the $100. Seems he was dismissive of the perceived value.

njkayaker

Not likely. Keep in mind that he took the $100 with the idea of being generous/charitable. He would have done that if he thought the were worth $100 or less.

He (as you noted) was being charitable. Asking for the going price (or taking the $100 back) would not have been charitable.

TiHabanero

The last time I sold indexed shifters I demonstrated to the purchaser that they did indeed function properly. I did this by leaving a shift cable in the shifter and applying gentle tension to the cable and had the the purchaser shift through every gear, f and r.

cyclezen

my view
so you've already taken this to full term - but here's a scenario I haven't seem mentioned yet.
You had 'exactly' the shifter she needed... are you sure you received YOUR Shifter back, broken? Or did you get her original shifter (the one she broke) and she now has an operational (your) shifter?
I'd be curious...
You've 'Known of' her for over 10 years; which doesn't necessarily mean 'You Know Her'...
I certainly don't ... but many of us have gone thru the 'friend/acquaintance' thing where you/me/anyone becomes a 'convenience' and a 'source' of something - not necessarily a real friend.- and in fact becomes 'used'.
In any case, moving on a good thing. The best thing, because the poison in a situation only lasts and affects, if you allow it to remain.
You obviously have some level of 'feeling' for the woman (not meaning that in any way other than association). You're certain you gave her good merchandise, she would know that from your history together - that didn;t stop her from impairing that.
I always 'move on' and place my attention to more positive things/situations/relationships - the 'friend' pool becomes well defined and very solid. The other kind just creates ongoing turbulence and and unfulfillment. My guess is once she realizes that you've moved on from her, she'll be 'gone' also, very quickly. Once discovered, a user rarely hangs around...
Not saying she's 'bad', but people who are always struggling are also having to be 'users' whenever they possibly can - it becomes SOP...
Ride On
Yuri

drlogik 

To the OP, my best advice is to stop all conversation and contact with this woman.

bruce19

That's a perfect question. I am going to do what I think is right. And, if the response I get tells me that I am not helping or if I feel like it's a drain on my energy I will go in a different direction I don't need anything in return. But, I do want to expend my energy in productive ways. Basically it comes down to this.....I will help if I believe there is a possibility of success but you don't get to **** up my life.

A350driver

If she were my friend, newly divorced and no money, I’d have given her the stuff free.

If you had not charged $100, no worries other than her new BF is a tool.

njkayaker

It was already mentioned.

Seems like a low likelihood between people that have known each other for 10 years and (apparently) are in regular contact. And with someone who had given free stuff in the past (why kill the golden goose?). Of course, we have no idea how the new BF was involved.

She also offered to give the $100 back (which, if it had been accepted, would have meant this elaborate scheme would have had no value).

Chuck M 

I suspect those that blame the boyfriend are correct in their assumption. If the boyfriend did in fact break the shifter and then lie about it to your friend, it speaks volumes about his character. I would suggest reconsidering future attempts to help her like you tried this time, but keep your friendship with her intact. She will need friends if she separates herself from this dude if he continues to be a bad egg.

livedarklions

My perspective is that the perspective of people who don't know the people involved isn't going to tell you anything you don't already know. There's no way the bf didn't know he broke it, you're in a better position to determine whether you give her the benefit of the doubt, and I think you've already done that by refusing her payment.