gerv 

1. How do you get a large pizza and a dozen beer home on your bike?
2. You've bought your SO some roses... Describe in less than 50 words how you would get them to him/her.
3. You were about to leave work when the tornado sirens sounds. What is the best course of action?
4. You've met an individual and would like to ask them to a date-type function (dinner, the movies, a pub crawl...). However, this individual has never ridden a bike. What would you do?
5. A work colleague challenges you on the veracity of climate change and suggests you are an eco-ninny. How would you respond?

Any other questions? Answers? Cliff notes?

B. Carfree

1. The pizza gets bungeed on top of the rear baskets or to the front basket. The beverages (I'm more likely to go for ice cream than beer, but to each their own).

2. My wife doesn't want her flowers to be of the non-growing sort, so I would put the pots of flowering plants into my baskets. I would likely put them in a bag first if I'm going to be riding at any speed to protect them from the wind. (I'm sensing a theme in my responses.)

3. We don't do tornadoes in the west (at least not often enough to have sirens for them, but we do have tsunami sirens). However, I do live along a river that has two dams in desperate need of replacement and we are in close proximity to the Cascade fault, which is predicted to be the next one to give a "big one". (There's a bit of a race between the Cascade fault and the Hayward fault (Bay Area). I hope we lose.) When I feel the quake, I have about an hour to get to higher ground before the water from the failed dam reaches us. Lucky me, there is a large hill a mile away. (Skinner Butte, named for Eugene Skinner, city founder.) I would grab a couple of my favorite bikes and some clothing/gear/paperwork/water/food, instruct the other members of my household to do the same, and we would take a walk to the hill. The feds have already done the calculations for how high the water would get and the hill is more than three times as high as the worst-case scenario.

4. I'm a take me as I am kind of person. I would likely meet the person at our destination and go from there. Of course, I do have five pubs, a cineplex and at least a dozen restaurants within a mile of my house. That's not exactly a long walk. I'm pretty unlikely to have to deal with this since:
A. I'm happily monogamously married. Our dates are all by bike or foot.
B. I am a bit prejudiced against folks who are addicted to cars. I don't dislike them, but I don't willingly spend any more time with them than I have to.

5. Just the facts, ma'am. Just kidding. I would likely not engage in any real argument but would explore with them the infrared absorption properties of carbon dioxide (hey, that was only first found two centuries ago), the nature of light's interactions at ground level (higher frequency light gets knocked down to IR), and the fact that we are indeed increasing the concentration of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. If the person is rational, then we should be able to agree that the planet will indeed get warmer over some time frame if we continue to add greenhouse gasses to the atmosphere. After that settles in, the discussion will eventually run its course with the denier having to choose to either:
A. Deny reality
B. Accept that those who will follow us have no right to a livable planet, in his/her view
C. Accept that he/she is too weak to do what is necessary to help make the necessary lifestyle changes that would buy us some time to solve this brewing crisis.

Additional question (I don't have an answer, but I am curious, especially since my son is moving to CA soon):

What do you do when you relocate to a new region. What resources do you use to help set up a car-free life that works for you?

gerv 

1. Do some internet homework before you leave. Try to contact resources in the area -- lbs's, bike co-ops, advocacy organizations, groups (even Facebook groups), the BF regional forums -- to discover what's out there.

2. Create a list of specific questions you want to ask. Like a) where's the best place to live? b) where's the best deal on tubes? c) if I lose a bottom bracket on Saturday night, what's open early Sunday. d) if I set up shop in xxx, where the closest ride to groceries.

Geez, B. Carfree, I could keep going. This question should be a dandy thread all by itself.

lasauge 

My answers:
1. 6 beers in each pannier, pizza box goes over the top of the panniers and is held on by a bungee cord.
2. Place roses in panniers sticking out of the top, zip pannier partially closed to hold stems in place, ride to place of rose-giving
3. Shelter in a windowless room near the center of the building, or a basement.
4. She's an adult and I trust she already knows how to transport herself places, we'll meet up there.
5. Explain: "I am not an eco-ninny - I would use whale blubber chain lube or tires made from the skins of only the cutest baby seals if I thought they would improve my bike. I happen to dislike pollution, especially pollution caused by automobiles, true, but that's because I don't want to have to inhale toxic fumes every time I go outside. If you do happen to enjoy auto pollution, please enjoy it by yourself, preferably in the privacy of your own garage with the doors closed."

Alekhine

1. Easy, and I think a small order, especially for those of us who do loaded touring and bike camping. Can do 2 or 3 pizzas even, since pizza can be broken up into individual slices and placed in containers, and my Ortliebs can and do hold loads of beer with ease.

2. No SO, no need or desire for one. Semi-hermit except for a few very close old friends and family.

3. Find immediate shelter or boogie home. Would depend on situ.

4. See 2 .

5. I work alone and at home, but I:
(a) Wouldn't get into a discussion about climate change with anyone, as I'm not sufficiently educated about it to talk intelligently on the subject.
(b) Wouldn't care what he/she called me even if I hypothetically were dragged into such an insufferable conversation.
(c) Generally walk away at first ad hominem salvo in any conversation except in cases of extreme weakness on my part. I already experienced 3rd grade long ago.

DX-MAN

Okay....

1. Since I'm not paying OldManMountain prices for a rack to fit my full-suss Kona, I'll set the pizza box diagonally across the h-bar, so I can secure it with thumbs, and pedal slowly home. (NO pizza place I'd carryout from is more than 2 miles away....)

2. Place gently in re-useable shopping bag, hang from neck, pedal home.

3. Pick a route home that has lots of cover. Watch for funnel cloud, ride at 90dg angle to it at all times. If funnel cloud sighted upon leaving the building, GTF back inside.

4. Arrange to meet her there; or, if there's enough time between meeting and the occasion, meet for lunch and iron out details.

5. The science is THERE, accept or reject it as you will; the climate doesn't care what you think, either. As far as my riding goes, I'm STILL having more fun than you, "Doody-Face". (Props to Bill Maher re: O'Reilly)

Roody

1. Beer in milk crate, pizza netted across the top of the crate. Honestly though, I usually have it delivered. And I don't drink alcohol, so I'd have the pizza guy bring a two liter of pop.
2. Milk crate again.
3. I work in a hospital, so I would go back in and help with the patients.
4. Pre-arrange to meet at the venue.
5. Depends. If it's somebody I enjoy arguing with, have a debate. Otherwise, walk away politely.

Machka 

1. I don't drink beer, and if the pizza is frozen it can go in the shopping bag with whatever else and be carried either on the rack or over the handlebars.

2. Same as the pizza.

3. I'd be very surprised if a tornado siren sounded where I live now, and although there were tornados where I lived in Canada, I don't recall ever hearing a siren. I just watch the clouds and make a decision whether to stay or go.

4. No bicycle. No date.

5. I would respond that I'm the furthest thing from an "eco-ninny", and would agree with them about their challenge on the veracity of climate change ... depending on what the challenge was. I ride for fitness ... not for the environment.

Astrozombie

Delivery/make it myself, rack or backpack.
Delivery?
No tornadoes here......and i wouldn't live in a Tornado area. (or HTFU!)
Zip car/metro or have them drive.
It's ok if they're a nihilist, but at least try to think of the generations after themselves. (Most people are ignorant of science, i'd tell them to try not to talk out of their *** and think, for their own good)

Thanks OP (Note to self: Move close to Bevmo and/or Pizza place and/or baseball stadium, BOOM finished!)

I thought of this a while ago, by picking flowers aren't we pretty much killing them so someone can enjoy them? Is that funny or what? A bit sick...

Artkansas 

1. Pizza is best when hot, consume it where I buy it. Any place that won't let you eat it there, is probably not great pizza. Beer, no thanks.
2. Carry them in the panniers, or have them delivered at work where she can display them to friends.
3. Stay put. If I hear them while riding, proceed on.
4. She can drive, I'll pay for the entertainment and she pays for transportation.
5. It's foolish to discuss religion or politics at work.

kjmillig

1. Supposing I drink beer, which I don't, I would load 6 beers into each pannier and strap the pizza across the top of my rear rack.
2. Easy: make sure the roses are wrapped well by the florist and place them stem first into a pannier with just the very tops sticking out. Ride gently. Better still, have them delivered.
3. Shelter in place.
4. Offer to teach her to ride in an open, unoccupied parking lot or paved school playground and have a picnic. Or take a taxi.
5. Don't engage them. If they accuse you of being an eco-ninny, just tell them you ride because you like riding and move on. Or don't give them any answer at all. That'll bug the crap out of them.

gerv 

Your answer is the correct one.
Seems like the 12 inch pizza box was designed to fit on the rear rack supported by a set of pannier and bungeed appropriately.
Bonus points because you appear to be the only poster so far who actually drinks beer.

gerv 

This answer. If confronted, you should not back down. And the real dagger is, of course, that you are having much more fun and you are willing to let everyone know it.

Although I might first query them to see which side of the gun control issue they ascribe to before getting too confrontational.

gerv 

A+ to Machka for this one. For the simple reason that it solves many future transportation issues. Might as well get it off the plate on the first date.

Artkansas 

Here's a car-free lady who was well ahead of her time, Miss Gulch. Riding a fixie with white rubber tires. She was a hipster way, way, way before it was popular. She wasn't afraid of any tornadoes.



The only question I have, "Is that a headwind or a tailwind?"

gerv 

You lose 10 points for this. Pretty soon you'll be ordering them from Amazon over the Internet. Big no-no here.

Correct answer:

Zedoo

1. Trailer
2. Paying for cut flowers is the most ridiculous and wasteful expense I can imagine. If she really wants flowers, she can grow some.
3. Ignore.
4. Improvise, change plans, or cut bait.
5. I probably wouldn't respond, and might not notice. Speech is to thought as tornado siren is to tornado. There might be a tornado, but I haven't seen one yet.

ro-monster

1. Easy, rack, panniers, cargo net. But, since I don't drink, and always make my pizza from scratch, it's an academic question. Although I did once carry all the groceries for a sizeable feast strapped to the back of a motorcycle...

2. Most likely I carry them and walk.

3. I tell myself to wake up! I must be dreaming because we don't have tornadoes where I live.

4. Meet the person at our destination. If we wanted to go to another location from there, walk, or use a bus or a taxi. If there is a second date, maybe we would take a class on how to ride a bike together!

5. First I would stare at my colleague in disbelief for an uncomfortably long interval. Eventually I would probably recover enough composure to opine that calling one's co-workers names is incredibly unprofessional.

wahoonc

1. Beer goes in the front basket... or rear baskets. I don't generally like store bought pizza so the makings would be in the rear basket.
2. I buy my wife rose bushes so we can enjoy them for years to come, they go in a basket
3. shelter in place
4. Meet them there, then make a date to teach them how to ride
5. Give them the finger

Aaron

Blue_Bulldog

1. Eat the pizza at the pizza place because they probably have the game on, the pizza is still hot and beer is still cold, and the ambiance is nice. Then ride home and call the waitress whose phone number I totally just got because I rule.

2. Put the roses in my backpack with the tops of them just sticking out enough so people see how thoughtful a guy I am that I bought my chick some roses. Because arrogance.

3. Wonder when North Carolina started installing tornado sirens, then channel my inner Andre Greipel, put Pennywise on my iPhone, and get my sprints on.

4. This does not apply. If she doesn't ride a bike, she's not the droids I'm looking for and I move along.

5. Tell him he's entitled to his opinion, wait it out for about 10 years (I'm patient like that), then passively aggressively send him a really nice housewarming present at his new beachfront property in Phoenix. The card will read "How's that liberal media conspiracy working out for you?"


the caveat here is that (if you haven't figured it out yet) i'm kind of a smart alec....

mrodgers

Real pizza shops don't have waitresses or places to sit down and eat your pizza. You go in, pick it up, and leave

Me too

Blue_Bulldog

They do here! And they have great pizza (NY style, of course), cold beer, and pretty college girls working the register. Not to mention bike racks!! It was on the way to my house when I lived that way. Moved to the other side of town and I only go there on purpose. Which is good cause I go less often, and helps me stay not fat.

Oh and they refuse to do vegan or gluten free. Points!

Artkansas 

rockmom

1) I make my own pizza. Beer in back pack.

2) I do not do cut flowers. Live plants are carried in plastic bags.

3) Go back into the building and check weather. Probably hang out until the warning is down graded.

4) Meet at the venue, each of using our own transportation. I never get into a car with a guy I just met.

5) I'm the one with a science degree.

rockmom

Check out transit maps and bike path maps. Locate where I will be working and where standard amenities are. Then look for best options for housing with transit, work, and amenities in mind.