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Going out for a ride before colonoscopy prep

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Going out for a ride before colonoscopy prep

Old 07-27-22, 08:04 PM
  #26  
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Originally Posted by indyfabz View Post
Likely got Propofol. Good stuff. I used to occasionally hang out at happy with anesthesiology resident. He explained that it works fast, wears off fast and has relatively few side effects, like nausea, for most people. The downside is that it has a smaller therapeutic dose window. That, he said, is what made the actions of the doctor who O.D.ed Michael Jackson that much worse.
Yeah, it was Propofol and we had the Michael Jackson conversation. Propofol also has an amnesia effect which kind of made me mad knowing that I might have been in pain and conscious and just forgot about it... but the more I thought about it the more I figured I wouldn't want to remember it anyway.
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Old 07-28-22, 05:18 AM
  #27  
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Dave Barry's famous article:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, "HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!"

I left Andy's office with some written instructions and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, "a loose, watery bowel movement may result."

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic here, but have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another litre of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, "What if I spurt on Andy?" How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic, I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anaesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anaesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was "Dancing Queen" by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, "Dancing Queen" had to be the least appropriate.

"You want me to turn it up?" said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

"Ha ha," I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling "Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine," and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of colonoscopies

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
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Old 08-05-22, 08:12 PM
  #28  
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Late to the party but..................I rode 21 miles in May 2021 on the day before and 15 miles the day of my second and last screening colonoscopy at age 71. Exam found nothing significant and ended early in the day - the ride was late in the day, after Versed effects gone. No more screening colonoscopies for me! Unless something comes up to justify the need for a diagnostic colonoscopy.
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Old 08-06-22, 06:30 AM
  #29  
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I did end up riding the day before the colonoscopy. I cut the ride down by about 30 minutes. I did fine during the day. The fasting actually got easier as the day progressed. One polyp was found and will be tested. This was my fourth colonoscopy and there has been as least one polyp every time. I am certainly glad that is over with for another five years.
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Old 08-06-22, 07:29 AM
  #30  
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Originally Posted by jskash View Post
I did end up riding the day before the colonoscopy. I cut the ride down by about 30 minutes. I did fine during the day. The fasting actually got easier as the day progressed. One polyp was found and will be tested. This was my fourth colonoscopy and there has been as least one polyp every time. I am certainly glad that is over with for another five years.
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Old 12-09-22, 03:39 PM
  #31  
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Perusing this thread since I'm going in for my first colonoscopy in January. I take blood thinners so the doctors (and insurance company) have had me do the screening tests and see if they come back positive before getting 'probed'. Up until now they have all been negative, including a Cologuard test just before the COVID crisis. The latest Cologuard test came back positive so it'll be my first time with the scope up my backside. The gastroenterologist mentioned Cologuard is a lot better at detecting colon anomalies earlier than the old 'test strip' method, but it still has 'false-positive' readings. Also the laxative solution is not as vile as it used to be and comes in a few flavors.
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Old 12-09-22, 03:54 PM
  #32  
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Originally Posted by FBOATSB View Post
I've had three so far, and about due for another. The Doc has always given me 8 1/2 X 11 print outs of screen shots from a video of any pertinent images. I've had polyps snipped in the first one, if I recall correctly. There should be a video?
All of my radiology over the years goes on cloud servers for all the Docs to share as well.
Huh, which Kaiser? I wonder if that's a new thing, or regional. I had one a few years ago and watched the whole thing. I'm scheduled for next March, different doc. Huh.
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Old 12-10-22, 12:58 PM
  #33  
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Never biked before any of my 3 colonoscopies BUTT >>>

Back in April 2015 me, myself, I and the 2 boys went for a ride to say a combined Hi to the Tuesday Morning Ride Group and then a GOODBYE FOREVER from the BOYS because 6 hours later they would be out on their own thanks to my Bilateral Orchiectomy that kicked off my Prostate Cancer Treatment Protocol. Fastest 10 pound weight loss in my life and made the 100+ mile rides and climbing lots easier.

PSA (as in Public Service Announcement) - keep track of your yearly PSA numbers (as in Prostate Specific Antigen numbers) - obtained from your yearly blood work-up.
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