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Post a Lie about the poster above - Volume 2

Old 01-19-22, 03:59 PM
  #18276  
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...has a tattoo of an asterisk on his belly button. His wife thinks it's his cutest feature.
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Old 01-19-22, 09:01 PM
  #18277  
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...he remained unconvinced of the recently revealed conspiracy theory, that Siu Blue Wind was just a sock puppet account for ahsposo . Until today, when he saw a "like" given by "Siu" to a posting by "ahsposo." Now it's clear to him that this is all part of the Illuminati/QAnon/stolen election/George Soros 5G chip shenanigans. He's thinking of going all Bitcoin, and disappearing off the radar.
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Old 01-19-22, 10:59 PM
  #18278  
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...the real truth is that this whole forum is just 3alarmer and 3alarmer is actually Al Gore, who invented the internet and I created this ruse to make it seem like I, Albert Arnold Gore Jr., have tons of friends and sometimes argue with them over chain lube.

Another truth bomb you never see Donald Trump and George Soros together, are they the same people are they just one big lizard in a man costume? Also where was Gaten Matarazzo (star of Stranger Things) on 9/11/01? Not saying he caused it but he certainly wasn't anywhere to be found? Follow the chemtrails and there is a path a mile long!
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Old 01-20-22, 12:09 AM
  #18279  
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...has little tin foil pyramids fastened in odd places on his bike, to make it invisible on police speed radar.
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Old 01-20-22, 05:21 AM
  #18280  
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Now it has been revealed! This morning the internet is pulsing with the news that in a secret medical procedure his diseased brain was removed and used kitty litter packed in to replace it. Science and the medical profession are astounded at his increase in mental acuity and the positive changes in his personality. Plus now he purrs when you rub his belly...
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Old 01-20-22, 11:12 AM
  #18281  
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...the smell of used kitty litter arouses him.
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Old 01-20-22, 12:31 PM
  #18282  
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His lies serve well at clumping around 'stuff' too. And in a pinch, they'll provide traction for getting you out of slippery white s**t.
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Old 01-20-22, 01:00 PM
  #18283  
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...likes to confuse the word censor program, using clever strategies of words that have the same number of letters, either of which might make sense in his phrasing. The above is a classic example. Did he say "slippery white ****", or did he say "slippery white ****" ? The word censor program goes into a continuous feedback loop, and slows all the response times on the forum.

But it's all just a game to him.
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Old 01-20-22, 04:15 PM
  #18284  
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Knows that it's all fun and games until somebody gets ****...
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Old 01-20-22, 05:44 PM
  #18285  
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...his B+D safe word is *****.
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Old 01-20-22, 09:00 PM
  #18286  
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Hates going to the grocery store. Says the celery keeps stalking him...
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Old 01-20-22, 09:42 PM
  #18287  
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...no longer does his own shopping. That's something he has "delegated" to his sock puppet, Siu. This has opened up more time for his forum conspiracies, a la Machiavelli. His latest effort, the reopening of Trollheim, but keeping all the new posts in there in an alternate reality, thus invisible to the forum administrators, bespeaks an evil, criminal genius on a level with Lex Luthor.
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Old 01-20-22, 10:47 PM
  #18288  
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...tl:dr
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Old 01-20-22, 10:53 PM
  #18289  
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...takes a dump in the shower and leaves it for the maid (I have it on relatively good authority from someone who worked in the VP's house during the Clinton/Gore years that Al I mean 3alarmer did that)
Also does his own shopping but just on Amazon to buy copies of his own books and when he goes to the dentist he pays him extra just to say "Mr. Gore you have an inconvenient tooth, we will have to take it out and put in a lockbox"
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Old 01-20-22, 11:15 PM
  #18290  
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...had a thing for Tipper back when we were all in high school. He's never forgiven me for stealing her love...sometimes, when he thinks back on it, he dances the Pony, because that's when they were happiest.
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Old 01-22-22, 09:30 AM
  #18291  
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Due to his advanced age, occasionally suffers from writer's block. Found relief recently when he took a big dose of ex-facts to loosen up his vowels...
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Old 01-22-22, 12:19 PM
  #18292  
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...he showed so much promise in his early life. He had everything going for him in the trolling world, which he had chosen as his passion. He had all the moves, and was named to the college all star trolling team in his junior and senior years. Then tragedy struck, with a mysterious bout of carpal tunnel syndrome. That was followed by the death of his beloved father and coach, ahguesso, leaving him as the sole support of his widowed mother and seventeen younger brothers and sisters.

So he turned to lying, because the work was there, and easy to find. And the money was good, too. Sometimes, he looks at me sadly, and says, "I coulda been a contender."
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Old 01-23-22, 10:34 AM
  #18293  
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Is hitting the Sunday morning talk show circuit to protest the suppression of his "3 Musketeers", @thook, @dynodonn and @veganbikes. Blames the moderator junta for frightening them into hiding.

A quote from National Prevaricator Radio's Morning Sedition program: "They are true patriots, not the homophobic sexually twisted bigots depicted in the Lies thread..."
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Old 01-23-22, 02:15 PM
  #18294  
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...using the resources available to him as an important right wing conspiracy theorist, and Conservative fashion influencer, he has put together the anti-wiper movement. This is a collection of miscreants and whack jobs who believe that wiping after pooping is a violation of the natural law, and that it's all a conspiracy of the Deep State, big TP corporate interests, who really run the country.

The anti-wipers are starting to show up at Trump rallies now, and the smell alone takes care of the social distancing expected in a pandemic. So it turns out that he's done some good with all of this, although his real motivation continues to be making a big cash bonanza selling shirts and hats that say, "I Don't Give a ****".
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Old 01-23-22, 03:01 PM
  #18295  
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His vanity plates read "CORRECT"
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Old 01-23-22, 03:23 PM
  #18296  
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I do have a vanity plate, but the rest of that is a lie ^^^

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Old 01-23-22, 03:27 PM
  #18297  
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He's now making money, selling vanity plates to anti-wipers.

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Old 01-23-22, 07:18 PM
  #18298  
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Is hoping deliberate exposure will give him turd immunity...
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Old 01-23-22, 08:34 PM
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...with the revelation of his essential organizing role in the anti-wiping movement, spread via Twitter and Youtube videos (created by me), he has started receiving death threats from the guys who sniff bicycle saddles. When he complained to me, I suggested he hire better personal security.
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Old 01-23-22, 08:39 PM
  #18300  
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Is on his turd warning from the mods, one more slip-up and he will be flushed from this forum with all of his crap. He was already kicked from the Dookie Howser M.D. forum (a forum for scatalogical Doogie Howser fan fiction) because they are also quite anal about the rules and he refused to wipe his dirty insults away from his posts.
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