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Post a Lie about the poster above - Volume 2

Old 10-20-21, 09:41 AM
  #17576  
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His rivalry with brother Randy has only become more strident over the years...

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Old 10-20-21, 11:08 AM
  #17577  
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Feels randy after bingeing Benny Hill for hours on end.
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Old 10-20-21, 01:24 PM
  #17578  
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...used to sing "Just you wait..." , from My Fair Lady, to his brother, Henry Higgins, every time they quarreled as children. The entire song... in falsetto.... sometimes five and six times in a single day.
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Old 10-21-21, 07:13 AM
  #17579  
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His mother tucked him in and kissed him on the cheek. "Good night, my dearest," she said as she stood up. In the doorway, she spoke softy. "Do not worry, Honey. There are no such things as monsters under your bed or in your closet. Now go to sleep and I'll fix you a good breakfast tomorrow." She said, "I love you, Little Man," and put her hands on his face and kissed him again. Then she left and closed the bedroom door. He could hear her walk down the stairs into the living room to sit in front of the television with Dad.

Despite his mother's comforting and reassurances, he still did not like to be alone in his room after the lights were out. He knew that it wouldn't be long before a demon named Ahsposo would come out of the closet and crawl under his blankets. He wasn't scared of Ahsposo as much as he was annoyed by his constant teasing to play board games. 3A was supposed to be sleeping! Why on Earth would he want to play games all night? He was a kid, but he still needed some sleep once in a while. He needed his rest, and despite him stopping for Red Bull drinks on his walk to school every day, his performance in his classes was slipping. He was just too tired!

Night after night, the demon would bring a different game to 3alarmer's bed. Night after night, he would force 3A to play until he fell asleep, exhausted. The worst part about this whole thing is that Ahsposo whipped his ass real good on every game they ever played. He remember the words from his friendly neighbor, Old Man Thook, who once told him that the only way to get better at playing any game is to choose an opponent that has a much higher level of skill than you. The theory being that it forces you to play at a higher level all of the time. Good theory, but he never knew what games that Ahsposo decided to bring each time. The demon's collection of games were only about a dozen or so, mostly classics like Monopoly, or Life, or Chutes and Ladders, Candyland, and Clue, but he also had games like Chess, Backgammon, Cribbage, and even Operation. How could he get good enough to beat Ahsposo at his own game? He swallowed hard, ashamed at the cliché he just used and set himself to work. He was certain that Ahsposo would go away if he could be beaten.

His plan was to win a game -any game - in hopes of getting some relief from the nightly visitations, but which one? The odds of him winning were pretty slim. He was pretty sure the demon had a way of cheating that was somehow undetectable. Most of the games in the demon's library were games of chance, or they were games that were heavily controlled by chance and luck and less actual skill and talent involved. Except one. Chess.

Chess was a game that was purely driven by the skill of the players. Perfect. So 3alarmer, bolstered by energy drinks and Skittles, began spending his days in from of the PC, studying chess. Every night, Ahsposo would come and bring a different game. Every night 3A would play until he passed out, and every morning, the demon would be gone. Every day, the boy would play chess and study it. He joined the chess team at school. He even got a tattoo of Gary Fisher on his ass, despite the fact that he asked the tattoo artist for a tattoo of Bobby Fischer. He was ridiculed to no end by the chess club for that one, but he resolved to deal with that after he got the monkey *cough* demon off his back.

Two weeks before the boy's tenth birthday, Ahsposo stepped quietly from the closet and slipped into bed. He was holding a chessboard and a bag of playing pieces. 3A's eyes widened as he saw the old wooden chessboard. His time had come. It was time to trim that demon's tree. It was time to get some rest!

Ahsposo was the white queen, and therefore got the first move, which he did in the classic d4 opening move, which was the favorite of Anatoly Karpov, which he now realized should have been the subject of his ass-tattoo and not the anti-American Fischer. The demon punched the clock and grinned, certain he would win another game and the tormenting of this fine young lad would continue. 3A responded with d5 - the Dutch Defense, and the demon's game deteriorated from there on out. Ahsopos scowled and attacked again. Move after move, the battle was heated. The demon used many classic Kasparov moves - very formidable, but 3A was on the ball. The game was almost a draw, but the boy executed a victory move not-unlike Shirov's classic bishop-sacrifice from his game against Topolov in 1998.

The demon, stunned by his loss, just sat there on the bed, mumbling something in Demonese. He got up, stretched, yawned and slipped into the closet. That was the last time 3alarmer ever saw the Ahsposo demon.

The boy eventually became a man. He went to college and got himself a fine job afterwards. He settled down and raised a family of his own. He taught his children to play chess and he played in a few tournaments and sometimes he played with the old men in the park on Sundays. Lately his son has been complaining about a weird monster living in his closet.

Last edited by J.Higgins; 10-21-21 at 07:21 AM.
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Old 10-21-21, 07:22 AM
  #17580  
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Thanks to his extraordinary lurking capabilities, he hasn't been heard from for days, not even a word.
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Old 10-21-21, 08:49 AM
  #17581  
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Has been blacklisted from the Liars Internationale Eunion for multiple truthy transgressions.
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Old 10-21-21, 09:57 AM
  #17582  
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...has been living happily ever after, ever since the handsome prince awoke him with true love's first kiss.
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Old 10-21-21, 03:00 PM
  #17583  
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He says ...of course I know I'm not a real Prince! It's just some crazy outfit skijor makes me wear.
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Old 10-21-21, 04:09 PM
  #17584  
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...one of his new karaoke numbers,, which he's been rehearsing for several hours daily, is Prince's version of "Purple Rain". The Hendrix version was a big hit with the older crowd, at the Thursday night karaoke competition, at the Droppe Inne, there in Savannah, on the waterfront. But a lot of those guys have died off recently, what with the Covid 19 pandemic and all. So he's reworking the act for a younger crowd.
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Old 10-21-21, 05:06 PM
  #17585  
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finished up his last post with a private performance of hendrix's star spangled banner......with arm pit farts
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Old 10-21-21, 06:37 PM
  #17586  
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...all the regulars at Ronda's Roadhouse, over in Fayetteville, know him as "Liberace". Always slipping into the men's room, he's the peein'ist guy they ever met.
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Old 10-21-21, 09:09 PM
  #17587  
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Knows a little too much about the men's room at Ronda's Roadhouse but is not afraid to just slob some knob out by the dumpster, he is also first chair skin flautist in the Boston Cherry Pops
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Old 10-21-21, 10:36 PM
  #17588  
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...likes to spend a Sunday Morning at the First Church of God, when he's visiting Fayetteville. After a rousing service, filled with the spirit, and speaking in tongues, he walks over to Ronda's Roadhouse for breakfast, and gets his pork pulled.
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Old 10-21-21, 10:44 PM
  #17589  
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he's always in the mood for some extra rough beef jerky
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Old 10-22-21, 05:01 AM
  #17590  
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Dictionary

thook

/th
o͞ok/

noun

1. INFORMAL
Unexpected and sorta gross runny discharge from an embarrassing body orifice

"Oh my God! Look at the thook coming out of that you-know-what!"
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Old 10-22-21, 05:09 AM
  #17591  
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Has a thook-hole, with a copious discharge of thook-juice coming out of it. He shrugs it off and wears Depends. Lies to other people about the smell. "Hey, that's not me," he says, as he quietly points to the dog.
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Old 10-22-21, 06:58 AM
  #17592  
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After having breakfast at Tiffany's, he and thook decided to take a Roman Holiday at the local theme motel's Nero's Room for some really hot fiery nights.
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Old 10-22-21, 11:46 AM
  #17593  
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Will employ the gom jabbar this Halloween to deem which kiddies are worthy of a trick or a treat.
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Old 10-22-21, 01:00 PM
  #17594  
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shouts "the pain!!!" every time he opens the door for a trick or treater. (he's wearing clothes pins on his nipples)
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Old 10-23-21, 04:17 AM
  #17595  
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Knows he has a problem and is working with a team of professionals to get his drooling under control.
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Old 10-23-21, 05:05 AM
  #17596  
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Used to drool Homer-style when looking in the donut case. Hasn't been an issue since he began wearing covid masks. One time, he was so hungry, he forgot to remove the mask before he ate the donut, and he swallowed the mask as well. Luckily, it was a paper mask so he didnt need to wipe after it came back out.
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Old 10-23-21, 07:38 AM
  #17597  
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wears used coffee filters as masks. "hey!! they're less stained than my teeth!"
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Old 10-23-21, 08:35 AM
  #17598  
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Is a well known sight at the Dunkin driveup, especially in his aluminum spray can painted 1983 Grand Marquis, wearing his rhinestone mask. Whenever he pulls away, he belts out a hearty " HI yo Silver, away!", with all those around him asking "Who was that masked man!?"
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Old 10-23-21, 09:20 AM
  #17599  
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His lies are reversible, just like his plastic couch covers.
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Old 10-23-21, 09:51 AM
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..he's been driving the '63 Dodge Dart backwards for the past three months, ever since it got stuck in reverse.
He has plans to repair it, this weekend, by removing the front seat and reinstalling it facing the rear window.
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