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Wow, am I ever ugly......

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Road Cycling “It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them. Thus you remember them as they actually are, while in a motor car only a high hill impresses you, and you have no such accurate remembrance of country you have driven through as you gain by riding a bicycle.” -- Ernest Hemingway

Wow, am I ever ugly......

Old 06-01-22, 08:05 PM
  #1  
beng1
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Wow, am I ever ugly......

Had my wife snap some photos of me on my road-bike in an "aero" position to see what I could improve on, but unfortunately I don't have the millions of dollars for the elective surgery to turn me into a young, average-sized, proportional and athletic human. I look like an old turkey or octopus sitting on the bike, long skinny arms and legs, the biggest part being the torso and nose, unspectacular posture.Kind of like a bald Conan O'Brien but much less handsome, older and with less muscle tone. My poor wife. No, I can not post these photos, sorry to keep that laugh from you.

The worst part is I can't imagine contorting, beating and twisting what I saw into a form close to what the photos of top road-racers and time-trialists have on a bike, a task comparable with making mashed potatoes out of carpet remnants or wrenches.

I guess photos from the front are next, maybe they will look better and I can forget about the side shots and tell myself that it is the frontal area that counts no matter what the side looks like. I guess that will let me sleep tonight then, after I put the military-grade hard-disk eraser into my desktop and let it run until dawn.
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Old 06-01-22, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by beng1 View Post
No, I can not post these photos, sorry to keep that laugh from you.
There are some things Man was not meant to know.
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Old 06-01-22, 08:11 PM
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I had my big wakeup call early in COVID. I shaved my beard for better mask fit. Looked in the mirror. I've got jowls! There wasn't even a hint when I grew it 20 years ago.
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Old 06-01-22, 08:17 PM
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ofajen
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Originally Posted by genejockey View Post
There are some things Man was not meant to know.
I try to maintain well-tended and carefully selected areas of ignorance that help me make it through life. I appreciate it when others help me in that endeavor. 😀

Otto
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Old 06-01-22, 08:23 PM
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Originally Posted by ofajen View Post
I try to maintain well-tended and carefully selected areas of ignorance that help me make it through life. I appreciate it when others help me in that endeavor. 😀

Otto
And if not ignorance, delusion.
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Old 06-01-22, 08:52 PM
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Originally Posted by beng1 View Post
... long skinny arms and legs, the biggest part being the torso and nose ...
Large nose = aero. Aero is everything.
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Old 06-01-22, 09:36 PM
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You MUST post the pictures. It’s cruel to tease us.
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Old 06-01-22, 09:51 PM
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You know, some of us figured that out in kindergarten.

Congratulations on your (presumed) decades of blissful ignorance.
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Old 06-02-22, 07:02 AM
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My girl friend always wonders why I don't like to have my picture taken. This thread reminds me that I probably have a good reason for that
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Old 06-02-22, 07:46 AM
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Please, please, please no pictures!
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Old 06-02-22, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by beng1 View Post
No, I can not post these photos, sorry to keep that laugh from you.
Oh, I am sure they can't be too awfully bad. You did have a shirt on, I assume?
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Old 06-02-22, 09:25 AM
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I try to avoid reflective building windows when I ride.
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Old 06-02-22, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Reflector Guy View Post
Oh, I am sure they can't be too awfully bad. You did have a shirt on, I assume?
Never ASS-U-ME.
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Old 06-02-22, 08:11 PM
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Maybe it was just a bad dream, and I am still actually quite a striking young man. I will avoid mirrors and photos in the future to increase the odds of this. I have also bought a powerball lottery ticket so I may be a very wealthy multi-millionaire, and I will never check the numbers because doing so would collapse that possibility. So I am a young millionaire with movie-star looks with just those few limitations on my lifestyle concerning reality. Done and done.........
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Old 06-02-22, 08:39 PM
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Being a millionaire will not be enough. Maybe not even being a multi-millionaire.
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Old 06-02-22, 08:43 PM
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Just remember...

You Look Marvelous Darling!!!

https://youtu.be/hXydX9p_ZxA
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Old 06-04-22, 12:56 AM
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Originally Posted by beng1 View Post
I guess photos from the front are next, maybe they will look better and I can forget about the side shots and tell myself that it is the frontal area that counts no matter what the side looks like.
Wrong on both counts. Just be faster, and the only view that counts is from the rear. So shapely bum and muscular legs are your only concerns.
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Old 06-04-22, 01:00 AM
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Originally Posted by genejockey View Post
There are some things Man was not meant to know.

Or see.
Remember kids:

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Plus: beauty is on the inside.
(Now everyone knows I am Fugly too )
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Old 06-04-22, 03:39 AM
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Originally Posted by beng1 View Post
Had my wife snap some photos of me on my road-bike in an "aero" position to see what I could improve on, but unfortunately I don't have the millions of dollars for the elective surgery to turn me into a young, average-sized, proportional and athletic human. I look like an old turkey or octopus sitting on the bike, long skinny arms and legs, the biggest part being the torso and nose, unspectacular posture.Kind of like a bald Conan O'Brien but much less handsome, older and with less muscle tone. My poor wife. No, I can not post these photos, sorry to keep that laugh from you.

The worst part is I can't imagine contorting, beating and twisting what I saw into a form close to what the photos of top road-racers and time-trialists have on a bike, a task comparable with making mashed potatoes out of carpet remnants or wrenches.

I guess photos from the front are next, maybe they will look better and I can forget about the side shots and tell myself that it is the frontal area that counts no matter what the side looks like. I guess that will let me sleep tonight then, after I put the military-grade hard-disk eraser into my desktop and let it run until dawn.
I've just been reading an e-book about an ex-amateur local club racer who had just re-discovered the joys of cycling again at 60 after a 30 year break. One of his stark realisations was on coming across one of his ex club racer mates who had got seriously into the local TT scene - complete with full-on TT bike, skin suit, aero helmet/visor etc. The ridiculous image of this now over-weight ageing MAMIL in cling-film was more than enough to get rid of any desire to try to turn the clock back! So he finished up riding a modern Ti-framed endurance road bike slightly slower, but at least with some degree of dignity.

Last edited by PeteHski; 06-04-22 at 03:43 AM.
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Old 06-04-22, 06:23 AM
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Originally Posted by refrigerator900 View Post
Or see.
Remember kids:

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Plus: beauty is on the inside.
(Now everyone knows I am Fugly too )

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Old 06-04-22, 09:57 AM
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Originally Posted by zandoval View Post
Just remember...

You Look Marvelous Darling!!!

https://youtu.be/hXydX9p_ZxA

Ahh Fernando! “It is better to look good, than to actually be good!”
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Old 06-04-22, 10:02 AM
  #22  
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PICTURES!!!! Not a single one of you had the nerve to post a pic?
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Old 06-04-22, 10:46 AM
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Originally Posted by SpedFast View Post
PICTURES!!!! Not a single one of you had the nerve to post a pic?
We are not the ugly one.
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Old 06-04-22, 06:42 PM
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if they can't find you handsome at least they can find you handy. that's my motto
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Old 06-06-22, 02:28 PM
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SpedFast
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Originally Posted by rob214 View Post
if they can't find you handsome at least they can find you handy. that's my motto
At 73 I would rather 'they' just not find me at all.
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