Hi end frameset descriptions/comedy gold
02-18-11, 02:09 PM
#26
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adding another
Pinarello Dogma 60.1 60HM1K
Dogma 60.1 is the beginning of a new generation of frames that will revolutionize the concept of racing bicycles. Dogma 60.1 is the first completely asymmetric racing frame. The parts on the right side have different shapes and sections than the parts on the left. This is a true innovation in the cycling world and the point of no return for fans of extreme performance.
The frame was developed starting from the highly successful Prince, Best Racing Bike of the World (USA) for 2008 and 2009 and Bike of the Year in Italy for 2008 and 2009. The fork, the rear and the basic shapes are derived from this very fortunate frame but with the application of new, incredible technologies: the completely asymmetric design, the EPS Wrinkle Free System construction process and the material used – the exclusive 60HM1K carbon by Torayca® with Nanoalloy™ that prevents sudden breakage. Last but not least is the exclusive Diamond finish, the worthy topping to an extraordinary project called Dogma 60.1.
Pinarello Dogma 60.1 60HM1K
Dogma 60.1 is the beginning of a new generation of frames that will revolutionize the concept of racing bicycles. Dogma 60.1 is the first completely asymmetric racing frame. The parts on the right side have different shapes and sections than the parts on the left. This is a true innovation in the cycling world and the point of no return for fans of extreme performance.
The frame was developed starting from the highly successful Prince, Best Racing Bike of the World (USA) for 2008 and 2009 and Bike of the Year in Italy for 2008 and 2009. The fork, the rear and the basic shapes are derived from this very fortunate frame but with the application of new, incredible technologies: the completely asymmetric design, the EPS Wrinkle Free System construction process and the material used – the exclusive 60HM1K carbon by Torayca® with Nanoalloy™ that prevents sudden breakage. Last but not least is the exclusive Diamond finish, the worthy topping to an extraordinary project called Dogma 60.1.
02-18-11, 03:47 PM
#27
No, not really.
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02-18-11, 04:09 PM
#28
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I did to. I found it a little funny how they fuzzy up their technology to fit into the perception of the day. Like the Cervelo guy saying "It's pretty much a monocoque design but with some little intelligence on how we're going to piece that together." Gold.
02-19-11, 07:44 PM
#29
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these are all real descriptions from the manufactures found online. I found them pretty funny, except Treks who need to step it up a bit.
Madone 6.9 SSL WSD
Lighter, faster, better. That was Trek's goal in creating their best-of-the-best Madone 6.9 SSL WSD. Handmade from OCLV2 SSL carbon, the frame is brutally efficient and amazingly light. Connecting the gorgeous frame to the fork is an E2 tapered head tube for scalpel-like steering. Flowing down, the down tube joins with an insanely stout 90mm-wide BB. This gives you the stiffest possible platform to launch attacks. Perhaps the most ingenious piece on this bike is the integrated seatmast that reduces weight and smooths the road underneath you for sublime comfort. A frameset of this level deserves only the best. It's loaded with top-of-the-line Bontrager XXX Lite carbon wheels, a full Dura-Ace gruppo and Race XXX Lite stem and bars that add the finishing touches of class.
Madone 6.9 SSL WSD
Lighter, faster, better. That was Trek's goal in creating their best-of-the-best Madone 6.9 SSL WSD. Handmade from OCLV2 SSL carbon, the frame is brutally efficient and amazingly light. Connecting the gorgeous frame to the fork is an E2 tapered head tube for scalpel-like steering. Flowing down, the down tube joins with an insanely stout 90mm-wide BB. This gives you the stiffest possible platform to launch attacks. Perhaps the most ingenious piece on this bike is the integrated seatmast that reduces weight and smooths the road underneath you for sublime comfort. A frameset of this level deserves only the best. It's loaded with top-of-the-line Bontrager XXX Lite carbon wheels, a full Dura-Ace gruppo and Race XXX Lite stem and bars that add the finishing touches of class.
02-26-11, 07:25 AM
#31
Raising the bar
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I was reading through Bikes Direct, and they had one that made me chuckle. It is for their GTR Carbon Expert. It reads:
With Force Optimized full carbon monocoque construction, plus a host of other hard-racing, gram-shaving features, you can rest assured that that the GTR Expert Carbon can -- and will -- make up for any lapses in your own racing ability. You can thank us from the podium.
02-26-11, 08:12 AM
#32
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Well, at least it's somewhat honest. I think the worst offenders are the golf industry though. Bike marketing mumbo jumbo ain't got nothing on them.
02-26-11, 08:19 AM
#33
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.. carry on
02-26-11, 09:02 AM
#35
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It's like a monster truck you can pour into your face!
It's got ELECTROLYTES!!! What are electrolytes? I don't know but they're extremly AWESOME. And Brawndo is full of them! And they help plants grow, which is why you should drink BRAWNDO not water because water is from the toliet and I've never seen plants grow out of a toilet....
It's got caffeine. SUPER EXTRA CAFFEINE! And five kinds of sugar, which makes it DELICIOUS, and much better than other energy drinks that are NOT DELICIOUS.
Drinking it will make you wonder why you haven't crushed a human skull, with your BARE HANDS. But you won't have to because you'll already know what Brawndo TASTES, how that would FEEL, which is like having sex with a tractor-trailer in a parking lot!
GRRRRRRRRR!
I just split my pants like the incredible hulk, see that Brawndo will make you need new pants, and while you're out buying new pants you should buy new shoes, because you're going to wear out your shoes from KICKING EVERYONES ASS ALL THE TIME! Brawndo will make you want to KICK EVERYONES ASS ALL THE TIME, which might be good or bad, either way you're going to win, because Brawndo will make you WIN in things you're not supposed to win at! Like YELLING, Brawndo will make you WIN AT YELLING or maybe instead of YELLING something else, like JUMPING, or WAVING, because you'll be able to wave your hands REALLY FAST, and you'll probably become INVISIBLE which doesn't even make any sense.
But if that doesn't happen you'll probably just end up RUNNING SOMEWHERE, which is good if you like RUNNING, but even if you don't run it'll make you WIN AT EXERCISE.
It's got ELECTROLYTES!!! What are electrolytes? I don't know but they're extremly AWESOME. And Brawndo is full of them! And they help plants grow, which is why you should drink BRAWNDO not water because water is from the toliet and I've never seen plants grow out of a toilet....
It's got caffeine. SUPER EXTRA CAFFEINE! And five kinds of sugar, which makes it DELICIOUS, and much better than other energy drinks that are NOT DELICIOUS.
Drinking it will make you wonder why you haven't crushed a human skull, with your BARE HANDS. But you won't have to because you'll already know what Brawndo TASTES, how that would FEEL, which is like having sex with a tractor-trailer in a parking lot!
GRRRRRRRRR!
I just split my pants like the incredible hulk, see that Brawndo will make you need new pants, and while you're out buying new pants you should buy new shoes, because you're going to wear out your shoes from KICKING EVERYONES ASS ALL THE TIME! Brawndo will make you want to KICK EVERYONES ASS ALL THE TIME, which might be good or bad, either way you're going to win, because Brawndo will make you WIN in things you're not supposed to win at! Like YELLING, Brawndo will make you WIN AT YELLING or maybe instead of YELLING something else, like JUMPING, or WAVING, because you'll be able to wave your hands REALLY FAST, and you'll probably become INVISIBLE which doesn't even make any sense.
But if that doesn't happen you'll probably just end up RUNNING SOMEWHERE, which is good if you like RUNNING, but even if you don't run it'll make you WIN AT EXERCISE.
02-26-11, 09:04 AM
#36
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02-26-11, 09:07 AM
#37
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02-26-11, 09:31 AM
#38
Peloton Shelter Dog
02-26-11, 09:42 AM
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02-26-11, 12:01 PM
#40
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02-26-11, 01:35 PM
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"Host Carbon fabric also help slow the onset of muscle fatigue as well as block electronic interference from power lines and cell phone towers that can hinder your bike's performance" - WTF?
This is from a carbon jersey ad. I had no idea that power lines were hindering my bike's performance. If I buy this jersey I guess it will block all electronic interference and make my bike faster. Awesome! Maybe now I can get rid of my tin foil hat.
This is from a carbon jersey ad. I had no idea that power lines were hindering my bike's performance. If I buy this jersey I guess it will block all electronic interference and make my bike faster. Awesome! Maybe now I can get rid of my tin foil hat.
02-26-11, 02:28 PM
#43
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"Host Carbon fabric also help slow the onset of muscle fatigue as well as block electronic interference from power lines and cell phone towers that can hinder your bike's performance" - WTF?
This is from a carbon jersey ad. I had no idea that power lines were hindering my bike's performance. If I buy this jersey I guess it will block all electronic interference and make my bike faster. Awesome! Maybe now I can get rid of my tin foil hat.
This is from a carbon jersey ad. I had no idea that power lines were hindering my bike's performance. If I buy this jersey I guess it will block all electronic interference and make my bike faster. Awesome! Maybe now I can get rid of my tin foil hat.
02-26-11, 02:59 PM
#44
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Some of this stuff is truly hilarious, but there is a darker side that I do find frightening.
Were there not empiric evidence that this sort of hyperbolic, half-baked buffalo biscuits has a positive effect on the bottom line of these companies, the people paid to produce it would soon be marching off to the unemployment office.
Like it or not, P.T. Barnum was right about a few things at least.
Were there not empiric evidence that this sort of hyperbolic, half-baked buffalo biscuits has a positive effect on the bottom line of these companies, the people paid to produce it would soon be marching off to the unemployment office.
Like it or not, P.T. Barnum was right about a few things at least.
02-26-11, 03:11 PM
#45
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It's like a monster truck you can pour into your face!
It's got ELECTROLYTES!!! What are electrolytes? I don't know but they're extremly AWESOME. And Brawndo is full of them! And they help plants grow, which is why you should drink BRAWNDO not water because water is from the toliet and I've never seen plants grow out of a toilet....
It's got caffeine. SUPER EXTRA CAFFEINE! And five kinds of sugar, which makes it DELICIOUS, and much better than other energy drinks that are NOT DELICIOUS.
Drinking it will make you wonder why you haven't crushed a human skull, with your BARE HANDS. But you won't have to because you'll already know what Brawndo TASTES, how that would FEEL, which is like having sex with a tractor-trailer in a parking lot!
GRRRRRRRRR!
I just split my pants like the incredible hulk, see that Brawndo will make you need new pants, and while you're out buying new pants you should buy new shoes, because you're going to wear out your shoes from KICKING EVERYONES ASS ALL THE TIME! Brawndo will make you want to KICK EVERYONES ASS ALL THE TIME, which might be good or bad, either way you're going to win, because Brawndo will make you WIN in things you're not supposed to win at! Like YELLING, Brawndo will make you WIN AT YELLING or maybe instead of YELLING something else, like JUMPING, or WAVING, because you'll be able to wave your hands REALLY FAST, and you'll probably become INVISIBLE which doesn't even make any sense.
But if that doesn't happen you'll probably just end up RUNNING SOMEWHERE, which is good if you like RUNNING, but even if you don't run it'll make you WIN AT EXERCISE.
It's got ELECTROLYTES!!! What are electrolytes? I don't know but they're extremly AWESOME. And Brawndo is full of them! And they help plants grow, which is why you should drink BRAWNDO not water because water is from the toliet and I've never seen plants grow out of a toilet....
It's got caffeine. SUPER EXTRA CAFFEINE! And five kinds of sugar, which makes it DELICIOUS, and much better than other energy drinks that are NOT DELICIOUS.
Drinking it will make you wonder why you haven't crushed a human skull, with your BARE HANDS. But you won't have to because you'll already know what Brawndo TASTES, how that would FEEL, which is like having sex with a tractor-trailer in a parking lot!
GRRRRRRRRR!
I just split my pants like the incredible hulk, see that Brawndo will make you need new pants, and while you're out buying new pants you should buy new shoes, because you're going to wear out your shoes from KICKING EVERYONES ASS ALL THE TIME! Brawndo will make you want to KICK EVERYONES ASS ALL THE TIME, which might be good or bad, either way you're going to win, because Brawndo will make you WIN in things you're not supposed to win at! Like YELLING, Brawndo will make you WIN AT YELLING or maybe instead of YELLING something else, like JUMPING, or WAVING, because you'll be able to wave your hands REALLY FAST, and you'll probably become INVISIBLE which doesn't even make any sense.
But if that doesn't happen you'll probably just end up RUNNING SOMEWHERE, which is good if you like RUNNING, but even if you don't run it'll make you WIN AT EXERCISE.
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