New "The Jan" post on MySpace
06-23-06, 01:14 PM
#1
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New "The Jan" post on MySpace
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In life there are no mistakes, only lessons. -Shin
In life there are no mistakes, only lessons. -Shin
06-23-06, 01:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Machin Shin
06-23-06, 01:42 PM
#3
Burning Matches.
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The Jan has answers.
You know, people are always being saying to the Jan, "Oh god! Oh God, NO! Please! Please God, have mercy! I don't even know you! Why would you do that? Someone HELP.... aargggchhhhh...."
Also, one time, a guy was being saying to the Jan, "Hey, the Jan."
And the Jan was like, "Yes, mortal."
And the guy was like, "Hey, you should totally be doing a mailbag sometime."
And the Jan was like, "You bore me. The Jan will see your kidneys now."
But later, when the Jan had washed off, I thought, "This is maybe being a good idea. Yes, the Jan shall do a mailbag."
So the Jan had the sweet sex with a bag of mail. This was not, in fact, a good idea. What can the Jan say, things got weird.
But the Jan is here to answer your questions. Go ahead, the Jan is always listening. And watching.
Q: Dear the Jan, you are being so great and totally awesome. I am a worm beneath the unholy heel of your clipless pedal shoes. Should I be taking the drugs to match one tenth of your awesome, earth shattering power? - Steve from Vancouver
A: Yes.
Q: Oh great and mighty Jan, who doth fill this vale of tears with fire and death with every stroke of your massive thighs, why do you ride such big gears. - Eli from Valencia
A. Because the cycling is pain. The cycling is soul crushing pain. The cycling is meant to make mothers weep, to make children scream, to crush the souls of the weak. The cycling is not spin class. Sure the Jan could ride a gear that is being the size of a tea cup, like Marinara Boy Basso, but the Jan is not here to dance. The Jan is here to reap.
Q. Oh my cruel dark lord, the Jan, master of all that dies and is never reborn. What is with Dave Zabriskie? - Sara from, um, the Antartica.
A. The Jan is having no idea. Dave Zabriskie is being the only mortal on this earth that is giving the Jan the willies. The Jan sees him in the interviews and it is like, dude, that guy is totally being a psycho robot. He is being having less personality than a roll of carpet. Personally, the Jan thinks he is being invented by Bjarne Riis and the CSC as an android who feels no pain, which is being the only way he is coming close to challenging the Jan in the time trials.
Q. Oh the Jan, you are dark and evil and blah, blah, etc., etc. So. What was with "The Look" everyone talks about that the Lance was being giving you in the 2001 Tour? Shoe - from, oh, let's say, Closet
A. Yes, well, it may be being hard for to you to be believing, but even with one ball, that guy is still a massive dick.
6:18 AM - 13 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment
You know, people are always being saying to the Jan, "Oh god! Oh God, NO! Please! Please God, have mercy! I don't even know you! Why would you do that? Someone HELP.... aargggchhhhh...."
Also, one time, a guy was being saying to the Jan, "Hey, the Jan."
And the Jan was like, "Yes, mortal."
And the guy was like, "Hey, you should totally be doing a mailbag sometime."
And the Jan was like, "You bore me. The Jan will see your kidneys now."
But later, when the Jan had washed off, I thought, "This is maybe being a good idea. Yes, the Jan shall do a mailbag."
So the Jan had the sweet sex with a bag of mail. This was not, in fact, a good idea. What can the Jan say, things got weird.
But the Jan is here to answer your questions. Go ahead, the Jan is always listening. And watching.
Q: Dear the Jan, you are being so great and totally awesome. I am a worm beneath the unholy heel of your clipless pedal shoes. Should I be taking the drugs to match one tenth of your awesome, earth shattering power? - Steve from Vancouver
A: Yes.
Q: Oh great and mighty Jan, who doth fill this vale of tears with fire and death with every stroke of your massive thighs, why do you ride such big gears. - Eli from Valencia
A. Because the cycling is pain. The cycling is soul crushing pain. The cycling is meant to make mothers weep, to make children scream, to crush the souls of the weak. The cycling is not spin class. Sure the Jan could ride a gear that is being the size of a tea cup, like Marinara Boy Basso, but the Jan is not here to dance. The Jan is here to reap.
Q. Oh my cruel dark lord, the Jan, master of all that dies and is never reborn. What is with Dave Zabriskie? - Sara from, um, the Antartica.
A. The Jan is having no idea. Dave Zabriskie is being the only mortal on this earth that is giving the Jan the willies. The Jan sees him in the interviews and it is like, dude, that guy is totally being a psycho robot. He is being having less personality than a roll of carpet. Personally, the Jan thinks he is being invented by Bjarne Riis and the CSC as an android who feels no pain, which is being the only way he is coming close to challenging the Jan in the time trials.
Q. Oh the Jan, you are dark and evil and blah, blah, etc., etc. So. What was with "The Look" everyone talks about that the Lance was being giving you in the 2001 Tour? Shoe - from, oh, let's say, Closet
A. Yes, well, it may be being hard for to you to be believing, but even with one ball, that guy is still a massive dick.
6:18 AM - 13 Comments - 20 Kudos - Add Comment
06-23-06, 01:44 PM
#4
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Originally Posted by 14max
Any chance you could copy/paste it here on the Forum? I can't get to MySpace at work due to firewall/content issues...
Originally Posted by The Jan
The Jan has answers.
You know, people are always being saying to the Jan, "Oh god! Oh God, NO! Please! Please God, have mercy! I don't even know you! Why would you do that? Someone HELP.... aargggchhhhh...."
Also, one time, a guy was being saying to the Jan, "Hey, the Jan."
And the Jan was like, "Yes, mortal."
And the guy was like, "Hey, you should totally be doing a mailbag sometime."
And the Jan was like, "You bore me. The Jan will see your kidneys now."
But later, when the Jan had washed off, I thought, "This is maybe being a good idea. Yes, the Jan shall do a mailbag."
So the Jan had the sweet sex with a bag of mail. This was not, in fact, a good idea. What can the Jan say, things got weird.
But the Jan is here to answer your questions. Go ahead, the Jan is always listening. And watching.
Q: Dear the Jan, you are being so great and totally awesome. I am a worm beneath the unholy heel of your clipless pedal shoes. Should I be taking the drugs to match one tenth of your awesome, earth shattering power? - Steve from Vancouver
A: Yes.
Q: Oh great and mighty Jan, who doth fill this vale of tears with fire and death with every stroke of your massive thighs, why do you ride such big gears. - Eli from Valencia
A. Because the cycling is pain. The cycling is soul crushing pain. The cycling is meant to make mothers weep, to make children scream, to crush the souls of the weak. The cycling is not spin class. Sure the Jan could ride a gear that is being the size of a tea cup, like Marinara Boy Basso, but the Jan is not here to dance. The Jan is here to reap.
Q. Oh my cruel dark lord, the Jan, master of all that dies and is never reborn. What is with Dave Zabriskie? - Sara from, um, the Antartica.
A. The Jan is having no idea. Dave Zabriskie is being the only mortal on this earth that is giving the Jan the willies. The Jan sees him in the interviews and it is like, dude, that guy is totally being a psycho robot. He is being having less personality than a roll of carpet. Personally, the Jan thinks he is being invented by Bjarne Riis and the CSC as an android who feels no pain, which is being the only way he is coming close to challenging the Jan in the time trials.
Q. Oh the Jan, you are dark and evil and blah, blah, etc., etc. So. What was with "The Look" everyone talks about that the Lance was being giving you in the 2001 Tour? Shoe - from, oh, let's say, Closet
A. Yes, well, it may be being hard for to you to be believing, but even with one ball, that guy is still a massive dick.
You know, people are always being saying to the Jan, "Oh god! Oh God, NO! Please! Please God, have mercy! I don't even know you! Why would you do that? Someone HELP.... aargggchhhhh...."
Also, one time, a guy was being saying to the Jan, "Hey, the Jan."
And the Jan was like, "Yes, mortal."
And the guy was like, "Hey, you should totally be doing a mailbag sometime."
And the Jan was like, "You bore me. The Jan will see your kidneys now."
But later, when the Jan had washed off, I thought, "This is maybe being a good idea. Yes, the Jan shall do a mailbag."
So the Jan had the sweet sex with a bag of mail. This was not, in fact, a good idea. What can the Jan say, things got weird.
But the Jan is here to answer your questions. Go ahead, the Jan is always listening. And watching.
Q: Dear the Jan, you are being so great and totally awesome. I am a worm beneath the unholy heel of your clipless pedal shoes. Should I be taking the drugs to match one tenth of your awesome, earth shattering power? - Steve from Vancouver
A: Yes.
Q: Oh great and mighty Jan, who doth fill this vale of tears with fire and death with every stroke of your massive thighs, why do you ride such big gears. - Eli from Valencia
A. Because the cycling is pain. The cycling is soul crushing pain. The cycling is meant to make mothers weep, to make children scream, to crush the souls of the weak. The cycling is not spin class. Sure the Jan could ride a gear that is being the size of a tea cup, like Marinara Boy Basso, but the Jan is not here to dance. The Jan is here to reap.
Q. Oh my cruel dark lord, the Jan, master of all that dies and is never reborn. What is with Dave Zabriskie? - Sara from, um, the Antartica.
A. The Jan is having no idea. Dave Zabriskie is being the only mortal on this earth that is giving the Jan the willies. The Jan sees him in the interviews and it is like, dude, that guy is totally being a psycho robot. He is being having less personality than a roll of carpet. Personally, the Jan thinks he is being invented by Bjarne Riis and the CSC as an android who feels no pain, which is being the only way he is coming close to challenging the Jan in the time trials.
Q. Oh the Jan, you are dark and evil and blah, blah, etc., etc. So. What was with "The Look" everyone talks about that the Lance was being giving you in the 2001 Tour? Shoe - from, oh, let's say, Closet
A. Yes, well, it may be being hard for to you to be believing, but even with one ball, that guy is still a massive dick.
06-23-06, 01:47 PM
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ElJamoquio and Yellowjeep - Thank you both VERY much. I swear that is one of the funniest blogs I've ever read...
06-23-06, 02:46 PM
#6
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Originally Posted by Von Blitzwagon
Jawol Mein PedalFuhrer!! Let us now be not overlooking Jan's Godly buttocks of Krupp steel, which upon the saddle create a vicious vortex of pain that being sucking the opponents between them, grinding them into lean, tastless meat that Jan now cooks into Weakburgers and feeds to his ravenous VolksUllrichs! Got un Heimmel!
06-23-06, 02:55 PM
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"Sara from, um, the Antartica."
don't know why, but that made me laugh out loud.
The Jan is apparently being in the top 100 of the MySpace blog reads..... The World domination is having begun....
don't know why, but that made me laugh out loud.
The Jan is apparently being in the top 100 of the MySpace blog reads..... The World domination is having begun....
06-23-06, 03:23 PM
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Ivan's there too:
https://www.myspace.com/ivan_basso
https://www.myspace.com/ivan_basso
06-23-06, 03:46 PM
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I am one of Jans "friends" on Myspace.... whenever I need a good laugh I go there to read... some of that stuff is so funny, I can barely stand it... LOL. They also send out some pretty funny "bulletins" too. Whoever thinks that stuff up is genious... :-D
06-23-06, 04:58 PM
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I just found his page. Now my myspace has 4 pro cyclists on the top 8. Quite a humorous fellow that Jan!
06-23-06, 05:54 PM
#13
Feed me your soul!
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I want Ullrich to win the tour this year simply for the blog post that will follow.
06-23-06, 08:04 PM
#14
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i loved the one about "the look".....his response was hilarious!!!
06-23-06, 08:27 PM
#16
Feed me your soul!
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Originally Posted by chrisvu05
i loved the one about "the look".....his response was hilarious!!!
+1
06-24-06, 06:47 AM
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Originally Posted by ElJamoquio
The Jan has answers.
even with one ball, that guy is still a massive dick.
even with one ball, that guy is still a massive dick.
06-24-06, 08:09 AM
#18
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Originally Posted by DocRay
Ivan's there too:
https://www.myspace.com/ivan_basso
https://www.myspace.com/ivan_basso
DrPete
06-24-06, 08:16 AM
#19
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Even Jans bulletin is hilarious." Jan answers all of your burning questions, not your questions about burning. I f you have that you need to see Herr Doctor."
06-24-06, 08:28 AM
#21
this one's optimistic...
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one of the few reasons myspace is good
06-24-06, 08:31 AM
#22
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Originally Posted by feethanddooth
one of the few reasons myspace is good
DrPete
06-24-06, 08:52 AM
#23
Feed me your soul!
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Originally Posted by DrPete
...but not quite enough to justify the steady flow of bait to sex offenders, pedophiles, stalkers, and other whack jobs whose fave website is myspace...
DrPete
DrPete
There is an equal level of sickos, and stupid kids. You've failed as a parent if your child is trying to hookup with some older person on myspace.
06-24-06, 09:14 AM
#24
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Originally Posted by Jakey
There is an equal level of sickos, and stupid kids. You've failed as a parent if your child is trying to hookup with some older person on myspace.
Anyway, The Jan's blogs give me tons of entertainment, and the whole myspace phenomenon is well beyond the scope of this thread, so I'll shut up.
The Jan rules.
DrPete
06-24-06, 09:22 AM
#25
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Originally Posted by DrPete
Agreed, but why make it easy for them?
Anyway, The Jan's blogs give me tons of entertainment, and the whole myspace phenomenon is well beyond the scope of this thread, so I'll shut up.
The Jan rules.
DrPete
Anyway, The Jan's blogs give me tons of entertainment, and the whole myspace phenomenon is well beyond the scope of this thread, so I'll shut up.
The Jan rules.
DrPete
Yes the Jan is awesome. And you are right..it shouldn't be easy... I think they are *trying* to make it harder. Myspace is incredible though.. I can't believe how many people have a page on there... I mean.. I looked up my graduating class in HS, and about 50% are on there...haha...