Mayonnaise

I took my old Masi, which had been hanging on the wall after I bought the Merckx, over to Yojimbo's to have Marcus turn it into a fixie. I'd never ridden a fixie but I carried around an unmentioned fascination with all the messengers I saw riding them. Sheldon Brown's website convinced me to ride fixed gear.

If Tolkien's Mordor had a bike shop, it would be just like Yojimbo's, the name comes from some old Asian chop-chop samurai movie. It's in the heart of Cabrini- Green, or what's left of it now that the whiteys have shoved out the *******, enough SUVs to make you barf blood. There's this old beat up building with an old beat up door with a sign that reads "knock loudly". Marcus opens the door to let me in. Inside there is **** EVERYWHERE, from ceiling to floor; bikes, tires, wheels, CDs, donuts, bags, shoes, a beat up old couch with a crashed out bike messenger catching his afternoon z's. It's dark and greasy and absolutely enchanting; like you've fallen into Middle Earth where Marcus has his fires, spells and magical anvils to transform crude metal into human powered devices. Marcus, the high priest, dreams of one day making these simple machines drop their earthbound curse and take flight. "Sure, I'll make it a fixer" he says.

He calls a week later, "Masi's ready." I take it nice and slow the first week. No brakes, no coasting, it's like riding a feisty colt, it bucks and snorts as it teaches me to ride on its terms. At first it's like a time machine, talking me back to memories and feelings twenty years back; standing on the crest of something dangerous and managing to find balance. Spinning just to the edge of chaos. Then it becomes an anarchy machine, demanding it's rider take an offensive stand in the violent car culture. Guy in a van cuts me off which endangers my life, his stupid act could easily have killed me. I catch him at the stop light. (I'm fifteen minutes into my ride, good and warmed up. My heart rate somewhere near 170, which is my comfortable pace. It's the afternoon so the Van guy's probably coming home from work. He's probably drowsy, heart rate, maybe 70) Suddenly I'm inches from his face screaming as loud as I can. This is done by design, in order to shock him. I get in front of his car, dismount, hold the bike in the air and shout as loud as I can "Kill Me Mother****er, Kill Me Mother****er, Kill Me Mother****er". The light changes, I get out of the way. I catch him at the next light, scream at him "the road is for everyone mother****er." I then empty my water bottle in his face and bolt. Naturally this is all an act, but he didn't know that. I went to the extreme to make a point that his action nearly killed someone.

These type of situations happen nearly once a week, mostly just shouting matches. Since last Spring I've driven to work maybe 10 times, I cycle most days. One tank of gas in the car lasts one month. I've come to hate what the automobile has done to our society, how it turns perfectly fine people into aggressive threats. Asphalt, aggression, and pollution everywhere. Right now I smell of soot and tar after riding 20 miles through the city.

Last week I'm eating a beef at Al's Italian Beef late one night after work. These two young kids are walking down the street and stop at to check out my Masi. To them it must have looked strange with it's steel lugged frame, something from 20 years ago, before they were born. They took out their digital camera and took a couple of pictures. They then came over to the window with huge smiles and gave me to big thumbs up. Because it was late I had the city to myself as I cycled through time all the way home.

MediaCreations 

Sounds to me as if you're the one with an aggression problem. Do you really think that you've endeared cyclists to that van driver? You had the opportunity to calmly point out the guys error so that he would drive with more care in the future. Instead you've probably made the guy hate all cyclists. Thanks for nothing.

OneTinSloth

some people need a kick in the pants.

mayonaise is not one of them.

you're heart's a muscle the size of a fist. keep loving, keep fighting.

Thylacine

Just ignore him, he's from Perth

absntr

That was a nice post, poetic. The actions are not quite to the extent that I would do, but I have had my beef with some drivers, mostly flipping them off or shouting a brief caution of sorts.

It can be a strange ride, this bicycling business. But I wouldn't give it up at all.

familyman

Very well written. I dig.

auroch

good post. have you posted pics of the masi?

"Yojimbo's, the name comes from some old Asian chop-chop samurai movie"

Let's give credit where credit is due. Yojimbo is one of Akira Kurosawa's many masterpieces. It isn't a "chop-chop" samurai flick, you should check it out. Sergio Leone later remade it with Clint Eastwood as "A fistful of dollars" Marcus' shop is an amazing place and it's good to know he named it after something equally special.

jeff

TeleJohn

Loved it!

Poguemahone

I don't shout out anyone, except right when they're about to make a really stupid driving move. Then I yell at the top of my lungs. Afterwards, I just shake my head in wonder at the stupidity of the modern automobile driver, a substantial minority of whom should not be allowed behind the wheel of anything more dangerous than a Mattell Big Wheel.

Look, they're driving around in a hurtling ton+ projectile, safely ensconced inside. If they want, they can guide that projectile in your direction, and you're exposed to the laws of physics. You will lose. What would be a slight fender-bender in a car will spell death to a cyclist. They will then claim they "didn't see you" and an understanding, compasionate judge will suspend their liscence for three and a half seconds and give them an hour of community service, which they will fulfill by double-parking in the nearest bike lane.

Yojimbo is a great movie, one of Kurosawa's best. Beautiful frame composition, and one of the greatest acting jobs ever by Toshiro Mifune. Great soundtrack.

I'm familiar with folks taking a second look at an older steel frame.

captsven

Mayo

I am guessing you are a lawyer. If your not you should be. I have not seen anyone create as much controversy as you in this forum.

Thank you and keep it up.

When I was younger I used to yell alot at motorist. Now I only do it a few times a year. I don't think it will ever stop completely. Most motorist are clueless and a few are dangerous. But we do have to share the road, so deal with it in your own way!!

Barnaby

Mayonnaise is a writer disguised as a cyclist.

Bikedud

Great story Mayo. I have a image of Yojimbo's etched in my mind and it sounds like a shop I would really love to go to.
Thanks.

dobber

Damn, makes me want to ride a fixie. And move back to Chi-caw-go.

Thylacine

I think Tarantino has watched a fair bit of Kurosawa. Not sure whether thats good or bad.

Seen Kill Bill?

SD Fixed

I'm not sure to classify you as a troll, a **** stirrer, or just another ecletic member of the board. You suck for your stupidity on some post, but are brilliant for your insights in others. Double sided, I'd say. Next time you come to the southwest side of the continent.. let me know.

And, BTW, don't bag all SUV's. I've got one.. and it's not a mall cruiser... Just like all fixies aren't messenger bikes.. etc.

Your journey of discovery on the fixed gear is interesting.

Reminds me that I'm looking for a new frame and a better wheel.

SD Fixed

But these smells are part of what makes the city come to life. Sanatize it of that.. and you loose the soul of the city. To a certain extent, cleansing it of this would remove what makes it unique.




If only they made a lugged Al frame.. I'd be in love then.

RegularGuy

Nice piece of writing. It vividly evokes the experience of riding fixed in the city. Two things I want to comment on.

1. "Darky" is a derogatory term evocative of Jim Crow and minstrelsy. You might want to reconsider its use.

2. Yelling "Kill me, mother****er!" to the wrong mother****er can get a mother****er killed.

mrdatalife

i think mayo should be a short story author, if he is not already.

legalize_it

i think his use of the terms 'whitey' and 'darky' are perfectly acceptable. its a very creative piece of writing, and creative writing can't be criticized as it if was a published work. if it was a newspaper editorial it would be a different story, id stray away from using those terms. everyone knew exactly what he meant by the use, and i feel it adds to the overall feeling of the piece. in no way was it used in a derogatory sense. lighten up and let the man be creative. all this PC bullsh*t is getting out of hand

i strongly agree with #2, you must be very careful who and how you confront them. especially when commuting through north philly

MAYO- good stuff, keep it coming, and dont get yourself run the f*ck over!

RegularGuy

To whom is the term "darky" perfectly acceptable?

legalize_it

i did not say it is acceptable. i said it is acceptable how he used it. i wouldnt go running around outside screaming it, bc thats not acceptable. any slur can be acceptable in specific situations.

Heidi

You ARE kidding, right??

alexs

ok, not to get too involved in lit theory here over a short character/situation sketch, but let's just take a quick look at the context the words "darky" and "whitey" were used in, ok?

The idea that the recent "urban renaissance" in Chicago, Cleveland and other Midwest cities (and Seattle for that matter) has been racially one-sided is nothing new. Mayo is using irony to bring across his perspective that the "urban renaissance" of Cabrini-Green has come at a cost, which is that a dangerous yet culturally rich mixed neighborhood has seen its property values skyrocket (thus forcing out most of the non-white residents) after becoming an "trendy" place to live for rich white folks bored of the suburbs and wanting to live in an exciting neighborhood. This is a valid perspective, and he ironically uses traditionally racist terms to highlight the fact that the Cabrini-Green urban transformation shows us a side of Chicago that only offers two places to live... expensive, safe, white places or poor, dangerous, black places. I'm oversimplifying of course... suffice it to say that Mayo has taken a complicated stance with just a few words. At least he's got something to say.

OneTinSloth

in terms of the gentrification of cabrini greene, and the way it makes people of color feel when such a thing happens, i think it's acceptable. gentrification is doing just that, pushing the "less desirable" people out of an area they've come to call their home.

i think it was meant in an ironic sort of post-modern way. it made me uncomfortable to read it, and i liked that. is it something i would have written? no. i feel like it's a reminder that racism still exists, it's just not as public now as it was in the past. now it's covered up by city governments claiming they're "improving areas" when all they're really doing is raising the rent and "pushing the ******* out, and replacing them with whiteys." in that context i think it's fine. now, if he had said "the other day i was riding around and some ******* said such and such." it would be unacceptable.

it's racism disguised as classism.

whether or not any of this was mayo's original remains to be seen, i'm just saying how i interpreted it.

yeah, it made me uncomfortable, but in a "damn, white people still have problems with people of color" way, or more appropriately, "wow, people with money and power are still oppressing people who don't have money and power."

legalize_it

alexs, onetinsloth-

thanks for putting into words so well what i couldnt. you both hit the nail on the head in terms of what i was *trying* to say! i felt as if i was trying to be made into a racist by some of the replies....i guess i saw in his writing what they couldnt