Digital_Cowboy

Two cases that come to mind are how the "good doctor" out in LA is looking at serious jail time for swooping in front of cyclists and hitting the brakes. Find pictures of the guy who almost lost his nose. The other one is the incident down in Miami with Chris and the driver I won't name. And how Chris was minding his own business in the bike lane when he was hit from behind by an immature individual who at 0800 had a BAC of .122 and was killed.

sanitycheck

It's not the daughter's fault if her father is a prick. Now, if she really sees nothing wrong with what he did, that is her fault, but she's still one step removed from the initial incident...and the fact that she knew you would be mad at her father suggests that she does know he did something wrong.

Avoiding the dad isn't something you can keep doing forever, so I would talk to him. Make sure you're in a frame of mind where you won't get angry or defensive, even if he does. Find out as much as he's willing to tell you about what happened. Tell him -- calmly -- why what he did is much more serious than he probably imagines (especially if the cyclist was moving when he "tapped" them with his car.) Explain to him why cyclists are right to ride in the lane much of the time, since he probably believes the cyclist was doing something wrong just by being there.

If he actually willing to consider the possibility that what he did was wrong, then give him the benefit of the doubt, invite him for a ride, and hope that you really have helped to change a bad guy's attitude before they hurt someone. If not...well, personally, I would tell him two things: "I respect you a lot less now," and "If you ever do hurt a cyclist, I will be there in court to testify that it's part of an ongoing pattern of behavior." If he offers enough specific details, and if they're egregious enough, then the third statement would be "Consider yourself reported to the police and the DMV."

Then it's up to his daughter to decide what to do. Possibly she'll team up with you and help him see the light. Possibly she'll side with him and dump you. If so, that's her choice; the initial act wasn't her fault, but if she's mature enough to handle an adult relationship, then she's mature enough to step back and see when someone is wrong, even if she loves them.

And if you tell her now how you plan to handle the issue with her father, maybe the two of you can come up with a much better plan that the one I've outlined. She knows her dad better than either of us, after all. As long as she's actually trying to help you get through to the guy, rather than to make excuses for him, then she's the best ally you could have here.

DX-MAN

fify.

longbeachgary

This is it.

RacerOne

There's a lot of fantasy going on here. Work it out guys.

electrik

If you still want to consort with her, you better give up cycling. You are going to be judged by the company you keep and your cyclist friends aren't going to take kindly to your girlfriend since she is apparently ignorant of the dangers such people face and counts herself in with those who think running cyclists down is funny and just.

rumrunn6

major problem for the OP:

fathers of girl friends are traditionally a man the boy wants to impress. additionally, the father is an intimidating authority figure. without his blessing there can be no play.

so there's a disconnect of sorts because the boy needs to deal with these feelings. without the right plan, or approach, the boy will avoid the man. this will not be good for his relationship with the girl. I wonder why the girl told the boy. is she testing him? chics suck.

advice? go on the weekend and get laid. about the old man ... always be in the moment

Digital_Cowboy

As others have asked, how important is your relationship with this girl? Is she someone that you see marrying somewhere down the road? If so what was her demeanor when you this? Did she seem to be genuinely upset by it, or did like her father think that it was funny.

Also as others have said she has gotten some of her humor from her parents, even if she may not like what her father did, on some sub-conscious level because of her being her father's daughter she might have thought it was funny. Hopefully she didn't but you never know.

I would as others have suggested first take her aside and talk to her and explain how dangerous what her father did is, and how it could have been you or her other there on the street that he had just "tapped."

After talking with her and seeing if she is on your side vs. her fathers approach him again as others have said in as non-threatening a manner as possible and let him know how dangerous what he did is/was. Let him know that if there were witnesses to it that the police could very well be looking at him, as if I am not mistaken isn't what he did basically a hit and run? You said that he "tapped/hit" him with his car and then left, right?

If after having it explained to him why what he did is/was wrong consider going to the local police station with the description of his car, his plate number, his name, address, and phone number and turn him in. If the victim has filed a report there's a good chance that it's gone "cold" by now do to a lack of evidence. Your turning him in could be the break that they need to bring formal charges against him.

Even if the police aren't actively looking for him a report can help establish a pattern of behavior for the future.

CB HI

???

Road Fan

As difficult as it can be, I like this approach a lot. It will either have a constructive result with her and create some enlightenment, will totally tick her off (stop messing with my head!), or reveal her true feelings to you (yes, if it had been a gun and he missed, no harm done, right?).

I'd think twice about "making a video." There are sooooo many ways that can backfire on you in the future.

It would be good to know the circumstances of the "tapping" a little better.

If you're acquainted with a cop or maybe a lawyer, have a hypothetical discussion about what to do with your knowledge.

Road Fan

Sounds like bike ****.

iforgotmename

Brilliant!

MTBLover

I have to say- that's exactly what I though on reading the post. Forget the revenge, etc. Just man up and face your real feelings (and hers) here.

thdave

I'd dump her.

Not for the father--that's something that can probably be worked out. Can't imagine he's assaults people regularly.

But unless she wanted to change her father and was on your side, which she clearly isn't, why would she tell you about this? That's the issue, since it's such a stupid thing to bring up. Doesn't help anyone and for her to laugh about it shows immaturity. I don't see much joy in dating a catty, immature woman.

cudak888 

Is this thread not a massive April Fools troll that warmed up a few days early?

-Colonel Klink

ahsposo 

What a stew!

Lot's of good stuff about needing more info especially why and when.

I enraged some redneck putz years ago by claiming a right hand lane at a stoplight. He tells me out of his pick up truck window I belong on the side walk not the middle of the road. I tell him to mind his own business. He states that "That's some attitude you've got there" and I tell him I got it on sale at K-mart and if he wants one they had a couple left. Putz gets out of his truck (this is at a stoplight right before the entrance to a military airfield where I was going to ride the perimeter) and starts to come at me as the light turns. I sprint away and he actually chases me across the street leaving his truck blocking the middle lane of traffic.

My inclination would be to advise the OP just to walk away from any idea of a long term relationship with this girl as I would hate to have to look at that SOB over a holiday dinner table. When you're 26 YO there are lots and lots of other opportunities as I remember.

sanitycheck

Now all you needed was a comrade/alert bystander to take the keys from his ignition, and your work here would be done.

sudo bike

Would've been hilarious if someone stole the truck with such an easy opportunity.

TRaffic Jammer

I'm entering text, just to see how this ends up. heehee

gji555

First of all, thanks for all the replies from the serious, semi-serious to hilarious.

Secondly, I thought I'd post an update on our Come-to-Jesus discussion and plans for moving forward.

We had a chat yesterday because both of us were on edge after the discussion described in the original post. I sincerely tried to find out about HER opinion regardless of her dad's. Despite my efforts to be open, she said I was trying to make her feel bad, which I promise you is not the case. I asked direct questions, because I needed direct answers. I think my problem was the timing. It was too late to feel out an answer because it was already so obvious that I strongly disagree with her dad so she was uncomfortable saying anything being nervous I was going to get upset again. I can understand that.

Her description of funny and defense of her dad, is that eventually, later on in life, after the dust clears and you recall the story, there may be laughs but no it is not funny or ok to hit a cyclist. I'm not so sure I agree with that. I shake my head at the hassle of dealing with a non-injury car vs. car fender bender I had at the mall a couple years ago, (other driver's insurance paid for it) but its not neccessarily funny. I've never laughed at that scenario.

She couldn't see the similarity of me tapping her car with mine.
T
urns out the incident with her dad was over 5 years ago, which brings us back to the paragraph above about how she thinks it would be funny later on in life. Again, no injury but I still don't think its funny. I think we can and should laugh at our own mistakes when no one gets hurt and you learn something from it. This was not a mistake. No one learned anything. This mistake kills and doing it on purpose is unacceptable. She said she can't defend the intentional part. But then again, how could anyone? The vague description of the incident goes something like "he was in the road and the dad couldn't get around." I'm guessing if there was some huge error or jerk move by the cyclist, that would have been the first defense. If you can't remember why it happended, theres a good chance her dad was just being a run of the mill D-bag.

So, with all that said, I value our relationship but it is on edge. I'm not going to end it for something her dad did 5 years ago but I will certainly have a heightened awareness for indication that these things are ok. I have agreed to go on the weekend trip to the beach and have decided that I will not be an instigator and will not bring up the incident. (Even though I'll probably be thinking of it the whole time and once we're face to face it will be a struggle.) I am, however, bringing my bike, and plan on getting two good rides in Sat and Sun morning. This was something I was planning on doing in the first place. I'm going to enjoy riding in a new area as planned. Cycling will obviously come up in discussions because I'll be spending a good amount of time doing that on my own, without them. I'm not going to stop doing the things I like to avoid confrontation. If they bring up funny incidents because I'm riding about hitting people, I'll be prepared to defend myself and drive home solo wondering if they can fit everyone's bags into daddy's car. That's just something I don't want to be around. I don't expect everyone to share my hobby but people with general disdain for what I do at the end of the day are just not a good fit.

I'm trying to be fair because I am very far from a perfect person myself. My responses have felt mostly right. Sorry for the rambling post, just wanted to address the questions. I hope to give an update Monday w/ or w/o video footage.

cudak888 

She is pulling one of these on you:


-Kurt

deep_sky

It's not about the fact that the incident was 5 years ago, its about how she can't grasp that pointing a loaded gun at someone and threatening to pull the trigger isn't funny, which is what her dad was doing when he clipped that cyclist intentionally. That kind of stupid tends to spread around, and make people overall be unable to understand anything outside their narrow viewpoint. She sounds to me like she is not long term material, especially since she seems to think that threatening cyclists with bodily harm is a funny ha-ha or harmless at worst.

Digital_Cowboy

Sorry, the words didn't make it from my mind to my fingers to the keyboard. It should have read:

"If so what was her demeanor when she told you this?"

Feldman

Karo syrup in the gas tank ought to do the trick.

rumrunn6

hey be careful riding somewhere new!