lsberrios1 

Hey guys,

Just felt like I needed to write this down and express my feelings...

Lately I've been pulling a lot of lifestyle changes. The following included quit drinking alcoholic beverages (about 2 months back), quit smoking (last wednesday), exercising like a maniac for 2 months now and having to do something every living second of my life.

So here is the "problem", I feel like there is something missing in this whole equation. I work from 8:30am to 5:30 +/-pm monday thru friday. I get home by 6:30 to 7 every day and ride my bike 1 or 2 hours. I finish my ride and have dinner in front of the computer by myself then go to sleep at 10 or 11. Repeat every day of the week. Weekend comes and I wake up at 6:30am sat and sundays just to go ride the bicycle for hours and hours. Then I get home and I feel like I want to keep riding since there isnt anything else to do so I just start working on the lawn and garden for the rest of the day. If I get done with that I'll clean the bicycle and take an hour going though every little nook and crany on it. Then if there is nothing else I wash the motorcycles, if there is nothing I wash the cars, if there is nothing I build stuff with wood, if there is nothing I cook... never seem to sit down and rest. I am pulling 10 to 13 hours a week on the bicycle, I also try to have one motorcycle ride on the weekends. My contact with the living world is limited to the bicycle and motorcycle related groups... I no longer have what I used to consider childhood friends but rather people who I (cycle, ride) with. Also the amount of money gone to the bicycle and motorcycle addictions are totally stupifying (at least for my budget).

Am I missing an actual life? Is this an obsession that is going beyond control?

I've lost a fair amount of weight. I am in the best shape of my life yet I feel sick, could this be the cigarrettes craving? Feel like somebody is pulling my eyes to the ground. Yet I WANT to push harder, do more and over excert myself!!! New moto, pain is weakness leaving the body...

Yeah I feel like i've lost it... or have i?

Nachoman

That seems like the perfect life to me.
But if you're unattached and missing more human interaction with the opposite sex, just join a few of those dating services and start reaching out to friends, family and co-workers.

Greatestalltime

Add in watching more sports and you're complete.

lsberrios1 

It is a perfect life on paper but I have a feeling something is still missing... I have a fiancee which I've sorta put to the side a little. Still not a bad relationship but the bicycle has gotten between us. I wonder if I do all this stuff because I am compensating for something. Yesterday I caught myself telling my fiancee that even though I get to do and have a complish a fair amount of cool things I feel empty. hmmm...

I obsess over winning some kind of trophy either by racing bicycles or motorcycles yet I know that my prime age for that is gone (25yo). I still have hopes though.

DaveWC

Sounds like withdrawal from quitting smoking &/or drinking. Usually when you quit one hobby/obsession you replace it with another. And if you're the compulsive/obsessive type you will replace it big time and go it all in so you can forget about the last obsession.

lsberrios1 

That makes sense. I am very compulsive with everything. Bad thing is it comes in bursts. I am going to therapy to work on this yet I am afraid that if I lose that obsession I'll lose the drive to do much with what I wish to accomplish. It seems to me like that obsession is a double edged sword. It gives me the inspiration and energy to do things that make me feel good yet it overwhelms me. I MISS SMOKING SOOOO MUCH!!!

RoadMike

Just so you know, most races have a masters category or two, but from what I've seen, those guys are still wicked fast, they just race with more experience. It's not too late to start racing. If you stop riding and start training, you could be pretty fast yourself by next road racing season if you are willing to put in the required effort. I get where you're coming from, a little more than a year ago I weighed in at 230 lbs, smoked and drank heavily and didn't really engage in physical activity outside of work. Now I'm down to around 185, quit smoking and drinking, and ride adout 14 to 18 hours a week. I'm a competitive person, so I trained over the winter and pinned on a number a few times during the season. I found out I loved it. If you can hang with the faster group rides in your area you're probably fit enough to hang with the pack in a local race if you race smart.

Will Goes Boing

It has only been 2 months dude... give it another month or two and I bet you'll be back to your old self. The problem with a lot of people I see making drastic lifestyle changes is that they go full speed ahead with the super duper gung ho attitude, and they burn out and revert back to the old lifestyle. You're basically on a natural high right now because you feel like you're being so productive/goal driven, but from the way it sounds you're already experiencing the burn out. Don't be that guy that starts a marathon at a full sprint just so he can be #1 for the first 400 meters, just to end up walking half of it. It doesn't matter what you do in life, pacing yourself is key.

Campag4life

I don't like to judge others but will say this. You are a good man. Motorcycles and road bikes as a priority with other things a bit less important sounds healthier to me than about how 95% of the population lives.
The thing I am hearing from you is...compulsion. It maybe time compression also...you are on a tread mill. Hey...we all do that to ourselves. I personally have always tried to stay off it. Have been on it, and choose to stay off.
Life balance...probably the hardest thing for any of us to get right. I would say most don't. Lot of rich guys die young chasing money and some guys are too poor to buy the stuff they like. Elusive balance. I don't smoke...won't tell you about my past and don't drink much. I like to ride tho and not work much.
Cheers bro.

DaveWC

There ya go. That's the real issue here. You're doing all you can do to keep busy to avoid thinking about your craving. I have no idea how someone can be into cycling and smoke, but that's just me. I'd do whatever you're currently doing if it keeps you from smoking. After another month or two you can work on easing off of the new obsessions and start relating to regular life. For now maintain your focus to keep off the smokes. It can't be easy, but it has to be worth it. I stopped drinking booze over 13 years ago and replaced it with a coffee addiction amongst other things. But the obsessions I replaced liquor with were far less damaging and easier to kick later on.

thehammerdog

Sounds like mental illness. No joke......take a break go talk to someone there is something going wrong.

lsberrios1 

Man if I find it hard to cram in 10 - 12 hours a week doing 14 -18 sounds criminal! I was about 220 last year and now im down to 186 this morning! Looking forward to drop to 175 by the end of the year, I think that would be my lowest. I guess I'm just not sure which way to go. I'd think riding 15 hrs a week would get in the way of my job as it has with my relationship. I'll just keep training and see where I fit in a few months Planning to do the Vuelta a Puerto Rico in January which will be a humongous accomplishment.

You have just described me. I am living this rush as hard as I can but I am afraid I am burning out already. I guess I am not able to get some balance into the equation. How do people manage to do so much yet control their emotions? There is no doubt that I'd like to be an overachiever (not necessarily financially but rather in a fulfilling aspect of accomplishment) but I dont want to ruin my life reaching out for unrealistic goals then burning myself and falling back to the routine 21st century life (work, sleep, eat, drink, smoke).

Campag4life

While talking to a professional is never a bad idea, your claim is ridiculous.

AdelaaR

You quit smoking "last Wednesday" and you need to inform us already?
Get back to us when you have quite for a year.
That's actual quitting, there.

Btw, if you're around 22 years old then your mental situation is simply being "lost at 22", nothing more.
You'll get over it ... unless you have some borderline syndrome.

TexMac

Congrats on being strong enough to quit those bad habits.
7 years ago when i quit smoking and the cravings never seemed to stop, i started replacing that crave with an apple of orange and it soon died.

Not advocating anything but sometimes church/religion helps fill one's void. Not telling you you need to go to church but it's an option i've seen others pursue with success.

You can always volunteer with some local organization to help kids/ederly/homeless. This ussually makes one feel good about themselves and appreciate life.

lsberrios1 

Thanks! That balance is definitely hard to get. It is really hard falling into a habit without finding it boring and dull within some time. It is also hard having to face reality every day and trying to accept it. Fact is my reality is awesome and I'm not missing anything in life yet the look for excitement and self fulfillment keeps me on my toes. All my life I've done everything to the extreme. If it's not the best, why bother. Gotta change that attitude, it has taken me nowhere but to a lot of frustration. Just on sunday, my friends were riding 30 miles together? I went and did a century solo.

Quitting smoking is hard, my body is definitely reacting to it. The hardest part has not been the physical withdrawal though but rather the mental part. Smoking took a lot of time in my day. It was fun doing while being stuck in traffic and it was fun just sitting down on my rocking chair and watching the dog walk around with a smoke in my hand. Now I find myself with nothing to do so I clean, cook, lift weights randomly just to keep my hands off of them. so yes, as of these past week and a half it has been the smokes therefore it has intensified. The feeling was there before it though, just not as intense.

I am getting some help. Not sure if it will work since I've been going at it for 10 years now and nothing seemed to have worked. In all honesty this is the healthiest ive been in my life and I think it is time to address the problems that have haunted me in the past and tackle them while I'm strong.

lsberrios1 

It could be... for all ive known ive been dealing with it for the last ten years so you could call it lost at 15 to 25. Sometimes being able to pull myself off of it but always fallen back. This time I have peaked and wanna keep rolling this way.

My mother is very very religious and always tries to drive me that way. I have learned to give in a little into it throught the years. Still not 100% on that aspect of my life. Wanting to believe in it sometimes sounds a little hypocritical since it seems to be only for my benefit. Helping others will definitely fill a void...

Long Tom

Highly aerobic exercise is addictive- so there's that. It does sound like you have some pretty compulsive stuff happening, to the point where it's scaring you a bit. Maybe some manic energy too. Any chance you are manic-depressive? Do you have big crashes, too?

At any rate, I'm much older than you, and a happy person, and my advice is that slow and steady gits 'er done. It's a journey, not a race, yadda yadda.

Good luck and don't stop riding!

mshred

a few thoughts...one man's opinion, so feel free to agree or disagree...

one problem you have is that your life is all about YOU. like you said...it's a good life on paper. but when all your time is spent only focusing on yourself, and your goals, and your hobbies, and you, you, you, it is inevitable that you need more, more, more to keep feeling satisfied (hence the obsession and complusion and desire to over exert yourself). i'd encourage you to find ways to start serving others. this can mean a million different things (e.g. big brother program, serving the less fortunate, serving military families, finding a local church or organization that has programs to serve your local community, look for neighborhood improvement projects to help with, habitat for humanity, teach others something that you are good at, coach local youth programs in a sport/activity you are passionate about, the list goes on and on). when you start pouring into others, you'll gain a perspective that you just can't get when life is only about you. you'll begin to learn what things in life are most valuable to you. you'll build relationships with others that are centered on shared values and experiences. you'll find value in people and experiences that you never even considered being worth your time.

sounds like you might already be on the path i'm referring to a little. however, your statement in bold is short sided. just because you get some benefit from it doesnt mean it is only for your benefit. serving God and serving others brings benefit and love to all involved...including you. doesnt make it selfish or hypicritical...it makes it awesome and fulfilling. i'm a believer in Christ myself and i struggle with the same stuff you do at times. striving to live like Christ and serve God and serve others is not easy, and i fail often, but i will keep trying and am seeing consistent growth over time and i think you will too if you make the effort.

also, many folks in their early and mid-twenties feel this sort of restlessness. i did. it's normal for many folks.

Long Tom

OP: do you have any pets? They will help put things in perspective- especially a dog.

jerrycan42

you luck bastard.

lsberrios1 

Been diagnosed before but medicine did not help one bit. I also thought it was way too convenient for me to point it out when things were not going my way so I'd rather discard it and look for other ways to solve it. Riding has definitely helped keeping me in line and way better than meds.

I totally agree with you. I think it's time I put this energy towards a good cause. I do admit I tend to be selfish in many ways but I like to see other people happy as well. Sometimes I feel like it is not fair though and why bother giving when 99% of the people who live in this world will only give back if offered $$$. I have a feeling that geniune kindness is extremely scarce. I guess that shouldn't deter me from helping others, I just wish I had others help when I am in need of help without expecting or requiring money from me. I guess I have you guys and my fam of course .

I do have a little dog. He is a little spoiled SOB but I like him tons and makes me smile the times he doenst make me very mad. Guy is special!

thump55

This can't be good.

chiefDave

+1 Keep it up and make sure you get your AR and rest. Most of us amateurs go too hard on easy days. Maybe get your fiance a bike so you can ride together? Works great for my wife and I. Great job man!
Dave

lsberrios1 

Hmmm interesting... You think I should drink to relax?

lol, just kidding I have problems with booze

Thanks Dave, she does have a bike and that is exactly what we do. Monday, Wed and Thurs we do recovery rides together by the river. It's pretty cool seeing her break a sweat when I am 90bpm into it