Calling all men
#51
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That's just a small-scale version of the drunk guy or disoriented old man driving the wrong way on the expressway. Sure, it's easy enough to dodge the cars coming the other way, until eventually your luck runs out and you hit a car head-on and kill a family of six in a fiery crash.
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#52
Clark W. Griswold
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My point is that dodging an oncoming cyclist is easy enough that it shouldn't bother you, even if you think the person is clueless or on drugs etc. I also used to get pissed at cyclists using the wrong lane. Funny enough, my partner at work asked why cyclists didn't usually go the wrong way in traffic, so they could see the oncoming cars.
#53
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As a guy, I can see how the woman in the Guardian article was not happy about being slipstreamed by a stranger. The setting matters, of course. A big charity ride in a larger mixed group may give more opportunities to strike up conversations with random strangers. But on an isolated section of road an athlete doing a training session doesn't want to socialize or pull some recreational wheel sucker around.
My experience is most folks out exercising solo are not out to socialize. Runners are literally in their own world with their earbuds. Cyclists like me have specific goals (route, duration, intensity) for a training session, and I'm not going to throw that plan out just because another cyclist crosses my path. Usually a short greeting/wave/nod are sufficient. If stopped at an intersection for a minute you can compliment someone's bike and chat, but then wish each other a good ride and be on your way.
Also, as a middle aged guy, it's good to remember that I'm rather invisible to younger women. So if I were to say something other than "good day" in passing it would be like a ghost had materialized in front of them. Of course they would be startled.
My experience is most folks out exercising solo are not out to socialize. Runners are literally in their own world with their earbuds. Cyclists like me have specific goals (route, duration, intensity) for a training session, and I'm not going to throw that plan out just because another cyclist crosses my path. Usually a short greeting/wave/nod are sufficient. If stopped at an intersection for a minute you can compliment someone's bike and chat, but then wish each other a good ride and be on your way.
Also, as a middle aged guy, it's good to remember that I'm rather invisible to younger women. So if I were to say something other than "good day" in passing it would be like a ghost had materialized in front of them. Of course they would be startled.
#54
ignominious poltroon
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Although not while biking, I have accidently spoken to people, not noticing that they have earbuds in. The response is usually an exaggerated, pained and dramatic removal, followed by a friendly comment like "now, what the hell do you want?" The ideal response is something like "you dropped your wallet or phone back there".
It just isn't worth it to engage. Maybe they should have hi-viz colored ear phones that basically visually signal "STFU and leave me alone." I would buy them. They wouldn't even have to transmit audio.
It just isn't worth it to engage. Maybe they should have hi-viz colored ear phones that basically visually signal "STFU and leave me alone." I would buy them. They wouldn't even have to transmit audio.
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If the battery in those headphones is ever out of juice, because I forgot to charge it, I'll just put 'em on anyway. Better safe than sorry.
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#57
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People running are not out for a leisurely stroll. If you were riding up a moderately steep hill, would you want to chat with strangers? Isn’t it like interrupting them?
I also wonder if you tend to do this with women rather than men. If so, that brings up other questions.
It’s not clear why you expected she was waiting to be able to follow conversation out of nowhere from a stranger. Seems kind of self centered.
There are situations where is socially acceptable to small talk with strangers. This doesn’t seem like one of them.
Last edited by njkayaker; 02-24-24 at 03:28 PM.
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#58
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People running are not out for a leisurely stroll. If you were riding up a moderately steep hill, would you want to chat with strangers? Isn’t it like interrupting them?
There are situations where is socially acceptable to small talk with strangers. This doesn’t seem like one of them.
I also wonder if you tend to do this with women rather than men. If so, that brings up other questions.
There are situations where is socially acceptable to small talk with strangers. This doesn’t seem like one of them.
I also wonder if you tend to do this with women rather than men. If so, that brings up other questions.
2. You're just making stuff up now. Wonder why that is.
Last edited by 905; 02-24-24 at 03:33 PM.
#59
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1. I'm not silly enough to interrupt people when they're running. The woman was clearly finished with her run. Happy to admit I could have been more clear in my OP: "She'd been running" to me was past tense, but admittedly can be read as she was in the middle of running.
2. You're just making stuff up now. Wonder why that is.
2. You're just making stuff up now. Wonder why that is.
I suspect most men already know this even if it’s news to you.
This is the response you should have expected before you began nattering to her.
Last edited by njkayaker; 02-24-24 at 03:40 PM.
#61
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njkayaker The only way to continue conversing with you is to keep going back to check your edits. I don't have time for this nonsense. I stand on the merits of my OP.
Last edited by 905; 02-24-24 at 03:46 PM. Reason: to tag
#62
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Then again, we also say, "Don't trust people you meet on the internet" and "Don't get in a car with a stranger", but Uber and Lyft seem to have plenty of riders.
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#63
ignominious poltroon
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1. I'm not silly enough to interrupt people when they're running. The woman was clearly finished with her run. Happy to admit I could have been more clear in my OP: "She'd been running" to me was past tense, but can be read as she was in the middle of running.
2. You're just making stuff up now. Wonder why that is.
2. You're just making stuff up now. Wonder why that is.
#64
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I don't see an issue with women, as-such: People are less communicative with strangers in-general, these days. I do have a slight problem (my problem, I guess) with ear buds. I find it very awkward when I ask some stranger a question, and with some tension, they pull the ear buds from their ears and ask "What?" I am not defending my emotional response to this, but it makes me angry, so now, I look closely for ear buds before I attempt to talk to anyone. Myself, I can't see walking (or cycling) around in nature while being glued to the entertainment world.
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#65
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On the MUP system I run and ride on, people are friendly to each other as they pass regardless of gender. I've even encountered young women about the age the OP described talk to me to compliment me on my shoes or bike. However If the OP stopped specifically to talk to the young lady, I can see how she would see that as odd. But I don't know why the OP felt like he needed to make a post to warn all men to be aware of situations like this. Most of us are situationally aware enough to know when or how to talk to strangers.
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#66
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My patience is very limited for people who can't be bothered to carefully read the OP, and nonexistent for those who ascribe to me unevidenced motives.
#67
ignominious poltroon
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I'll put you on ignore. Please do the same for me.
PS: I carefully read the OP again, and find it even more condescending, disingenuous and offensive the second time around.
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#68
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Sometimes it can even be dangerous. Eons ago, when I was young, I was JRA on a country road when I noticed a woman at the roadside looking helplessly to her small motorcycle. I slowed almost to a stop and asked her if she needed anything. A second later a man came running, yelling to me to get the hell out of there and quit molesting his girlfriend. Looks like he was teaching her to ride, she went solo and the bike stalled. He looked violent and unstable, so I didn't even bother to argue with him, just continued riding. Back home, I wondered if the crazy guy could take it against her too, but there was nothing I could do about it.
#69
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BTW I put people on 'ignore' the old fashioned, grownup way: I simply ignore them when they've earned that honour.
Last edited by 905; 02-25-24 at 04:08 AM. Reason: (added parenthetical commentary)
#70
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I appreciate appreciate your comments, it has gotten very much easier for me in that I look my age 73 and can come on as gently helpful in any situation.
#71
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My wife has stated on numerous occasions that whether she is riding her bike on the road or walking the dog on the trail, she becomes very uncomfortable when a male is closing in on her, or if on a bike, hanging back behind her. She also carries pepper spray, so you’ve been warned.
As a result, I give women a wide berth and if I am slowly overtaking one on a bike, I will make an effort to get around her quickly and not engage in any greeting unless they do first.
As a result, I give women a wide berth and if I am slowly overtaking one on a bike, I will make an effort to get around her quickly and not engage in any greeting unless they do first.
"A hostile person lives in a hostile world,
A loving person lives in a loving world,
Everyone you meet is your mirror." -Ken Keyes, Astoria, OR
Last edited by calamarichris; 02-25-24 at 03:27 AM.
#72
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I mean no offense to you Bob, but this makes me truly sad. I guess I live in the illusion of a civil society. I've visited Seattle, SF, LA, Portland, and seen a few wackos shrieking at passing cars, but for the most part, we all just want to get along, right?
"A hostile person lives in a hostile world,
A loving person lives in a loving world,
Everyone you meet is your mirror." -Ken Keyes, Astoria, OR
"A hostile person lives in a hostile world,
A loving person lives in a loving world,
Everyone you meet is your mirror." -Ken Keyes, Astoria, OR
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