You can drive it away today.
One size fits all
No muss, no fuss, no spills
You tired of kitchen drudgery
Skip the middle man
Don't settle for less
How do we do it?
How do we do it?
Volume! volume!
Turn up the volume!

That's right it filets
It chops, it dices, it slices
It never stops
Lasts a lifetime,
And it mows your lawn
It picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
It gets rid of embarrassing age spots
It delivers the pizza
And it lengthens
And it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been lodged under the
Chaise lounge for several weeks

It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it's only a dollar...

If not completely satisfied
Mail back unused portion of product for a complete refund of price of purchase

Please allow thirty days for delivery
Don't be fooled by cheap imitations
You can
Live in it
Laugh in it
Love in it
Swim in it
Sleep in it
Live in it
Swim in it
Laugh in it
Love in it
And it removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets
That's right
And it entertains visiting relatives
It turns a sandwich into a banquet
Tired of being the life of the party
Change your shorts
Change your life
Change into a 9 year old Hindu boy
Get rid of your wife

And it walks your dog
And it doubles on sax

It gets rid of your gambling debts
It quits smoking
It's a friend, it's a companion
It's the only product you will ever need

It never needs ironing
Well it takes weights off hips
Bust
Thighs
Chin
Midriff
Gives you dandruff
And it finds you a job
It is a job

It's new, it's improved, it's old fashioned
Well it takes care of business
Never needs winding
Never needs winding
Never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak, and psoriasis
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak buddy

'Cause it's effective
It's defective

It disinfects
It's sanitised for your protection
It gives you an erection
It wins the election
Why put up with painful corns any longer
It's a redeemable coupon
No obligation
No salesman will visit your home

We need your bidness
We're going out of business
We'll give you the business
Get on the business end of our
Going out of business sale
Receive our free brochure
Free brochure
Read the easy to follow assembly instructions
Batteries not included
Send before midnight tomorrow
Terms available

You got it buddy
The large print giveth
And the small print taketh away