Cycling Jokes...
10-04-17, 06:06 PM
#1
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Thread Starter
Cycling Jokes...
Three cyclists were riding when they came upon a mermaid in a hotel fountain. She was pretty so they stopped to talk with her.
The mermaid offered them one wish each. The cyclists were astonished! The cyclist riding a steel bike said: “Will you double my IQ" so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting all the past winners of the Tour de France and their total elapsed times.
Then the cyclist riding an aluminum bike said: "Will you triple my IQ" and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started verbally calculating the drag coefficients of chain lubes.
The cyclist riding the carbon bike was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his IQ The mermaid said "Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!" the carbon bike rider excitingly said "Yes!" so the mermaid turned him into a woman...
The mermaid offered them one wish each. The cyclists were astonished! The cyclist riding a steel bike said: “Will you double my IQ" so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting all the past winners of the Tour de France and their total elapsed times.
Then the cyclist riding an aluminum bike said: "Will you triple my IQ" and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started verbally calculating the drag coefficients of chain lubes.
The cyclist riding the carbon bike was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his IQ The mermaid said "Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!" the carbon bike rider excitingly said "Yes!" so the mermaid turned him into a woman...
10-04-17, 06:14 PM
#2
Senior Member
I thought the punchline was "she quadrupled his IQ and he bought a steel bike "
10-04-17, 06:54 PM
#3
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.
Two women were cycling through a scenic Italian village for the first time.
The first, gazing in awe at the beautiful architecture, gardens and fountains, remarked, "I've never come this way before."
Her companion replied, "Must be the cobblestones."
.
Two women were cycling through a scenic Italian village for the first time.
The first, gazing in awe at the beautiful architecture, gardens and fountains, remarked, "I've never come this way before."
Her companion replied, "Must be the cobblestones."
.
Last edited by Myosmith; 10-05-17 at 01:38 AM.
10-04-17, 08:48 PM
#4
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Thread Starter
We should probably keep these "G" rated so the mods don't get upset.....
10-04-17, 09:53 PM
#5
Me duelen las nalgas
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Pee-Wee, a fish and Irina Dunn ride into a bar on Herman's bicycle. Bartender glares at them and mumbles "I'm not saying the punchline."
10-04-17, 10:07 PM
#6
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Damn..where's a thumb's up button when you need one....
10-05-17, 05:38 AM
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Three cyclist ride into a bar. The fourth one ducks.
Why are you reading this thread? The joke is in your pants.
Why are you reading this thread? The joke is in your pants.
10-05-17, 05:42 AM
#10
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10-05-17, 06:28 AM
#11
Me duelen las nalgas
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
--Emo Philips (Overheard while walking through downtown Downer's Grove)
--Emo Philips (Overheard while walking through downtown Downer's Grove)
10-05-17, 07:08 AM
#12
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10-05-17, 07:14 AM
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A cyclist lying on his deathbed asked his best friend to do him a favour when he’d gone. “Anything,” replied his friend.
“Just don’t let my wife sell my bikes for what I told her I paid for them,” he begged.
“Just don’t let my wife sell my bikes for what I told her I paid for them,” he begged.
10-05-17, 07:41 AM
#14
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10-05-17, 09:42 AM
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10-05-17, 09:49 AM
#16
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Peter Sagan, Mark Cavendish and Chris Froome all die in a plane crash en route to a cycling race overseas, and go to Heaven. They are waiting at the gate when St. Peter arrives and greets them, "Welcome to Heaven, gentlemen. There is one major rule here in Heaven and it is.. do NOT step on the ducks! The big-man is very partial to his ducks." The cyclists look at each other and agree that shouldn't be a problem. St. Pete opens the gate and sure enough there are thousands of tiny ducks covering the ground.
They all enter. Sagan always being the fastest of the three, only lasts a week before he steps on a duck. St. Peter appears out of nowhere with the ugliest woman he has ever seen and handcuffs them together. He says, "This is your consequence for stepping on a duck. You must be stuck with this woman for all eternity," and disappears.
Cavendish goes for an entire month before he finally steps on a duck. The same thing happens again. St. Peter arrives with the ugliest woman he has ever seen, handcuffs them together, explains what has happened and leaves.
Froome, being a great and cautious GC rider goes on for years and years and never steps on a duck. Suddenly, St. Peter pops up out of nowhere with the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen. He handcuffs them together, and without saying a word, leaves. As Froome and the woman are walking along, they encounter Sagan and Cavendish who look very puzzled that Froome is handcuffed to such a beautiful woman. Sagan says, "Froomie, what did you do?! Before he could say anything, the woman looked at them and said "I don't know what he did, but I stepped on a damn duck!"
They all enter. Sagan always being the fastest of the three, only lasts a week before he steps on a duck. St. Peter appears out of nowhere with the ugliest woman he has ever seen and handcuffs them together. He says, "This is your consequence for stepping on a duck. You must be stuck with this woman for all eternity," and disappears.
Cavendish goes for an entire month before he finally steps on a duck. The same thing happens again. St. Peter arrives with the ugliest woman he has ever seen, handcuffs them together, explains what has happened and leaves.
Froome, being a great and cautious GC rider goes on for years and years and never steps on a duck. Suddenly, St. Peter pops up out of nowhere with the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen. He handcuffs them together, and without saying a word, leaves. As Froome and the woman are walking along, they encounter Sagan and Cavendish who look very puzzled that Froome is handcuffed to such a beautiful woman. Sagan says, "Froomie, what did you do?! Before he could say anything, the woman looked at them and said "I don't know what he did, but I stepped on a damn duck!"
10-05-17, 10:19 AM
#17
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10-05-17, 10:21 AM
#18
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10-05-17, 10:36 AM
#19
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Since we're on the subject.... We were riding on the C&O trail on our way to DC and on our short day (50 miles) we were exploring the caves along the trail. My buddy is off the trail walking down to a cave and his wife yells down to him, "Hey look, it's a vagina cave!" Indeed, that's exactly what the cave looks like.
He's down at the cave opening and points on the side where there's a chunk of rock and says, "look, there's even the little tickly thing here."
I just looked at her and said, "no wonder you're so uptight all the time. He has no idea what he's doing or where anything is located down there." She almost fell over backwards into the Potomac laughing. It's now brought up every time we ride.
He's down at the cave opening and points on the side where there's a chunk of rock and says, "look, there's even the little tickly thing here."
I just looked at her and said, "no wonder you're so uptight all the time. He has no idea what he's doing or where anything is located down there." She almost fell over backwards into the Potomac laughing. It's now brought up every time we ride.
10-05-17, 10:48 AM
#20
Senior Member
Since we're on the subject.... We were riding on the C&O trail on our way to DC and on our short day (50 miles) we were exploring the caves along the trail. My buddy is off the trail walking down to a cave and his wife yells down to him, "Hey look, it's a vagina cave!" Indeed, that's exactly what the cave looks like.
He's down at the cave opening and points on the side where there's a chunk of rock and says, "look, there's even the little tickly thing here."
I just looked at her and said, "no wonder you're so uptight all the time. He has no idea what he's doing or where anything is located down there." She almost fell over backwards into the Potomac laughing. It's now brought up every time we ride.
He's down at the cave opening and points on the side where there's a chunk of rock and says, "look, there's even the little tickly thing here."
I just looked at her and said, "no wonder you're so uptight all the time. He has no idea what he's doing or where anything is located down there." She almost fell over backwards into the Potomac laughing. It's now brought up every time we ride.
10-05-17, 11:10 AM
#21
Senior Member
Q: What's the difference between a bike?
A: A horse, because a vest has no sleeves.
A: A horse, because a vest has no sleeves.
10-05-17, 12:18 PM
#22
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10-05-17, 12:22 PM
#23
genec
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10-05-17, 12:54 PM
#24
Full Member
A cyclist gets into a bad accident. Later at the hospital, the doctor goes to the patient and says:
"I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?"
Due to your injuries, we must amputate both your legs."
"Oh my god! What's the good news?"
"The guy in the next room wants to buy your bike..."
"I have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?"
Due to your injuries, we must amputate both your legs."
"Oh my god! What's the good news?"
"The guy in the next room wants to buy your bike..."
10-05-17, 01:49 PM
#25
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Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live
- Mark Twain
- Mark Twain