Post your cycling humor here. I'll start....
#101
ambulatory senior
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Peoria Il
Posts: 6,060
Bikes: Austro Daimler modified by Gugie! Raleigh Professional and lots of other bikes.
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I came up behind two other riders on the road the other day. The guy in front signaled an "arm straight up" signal with his RIGHT arm, and, of course, turned left. The young lady in between went straight ahead, as did I. As I started to pass, she remarked/asked "Did that guy just signal for a left turn with his right arm?" I responded "He's from Australia" as I went past.
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#103
ambulatory senior
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Peoria Il
Posts: 6,060
Bikes: Austro Daimler modified by Gugie! Raleigh Professional and lots of other bikes.
Liked 3,753 Times
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1,716 Posts
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#104
Groupetto Dragon-Ass
Here's a funny one from Texas:
Left turn - left arm out to the left
Right turn - left arm up at the elbow or right arm out to the right
I heard that a big reason for the alternate right turn was that motorists unfamiliar with hand signals were misinterpreting the raised left arm.
Left turn - left arm out to the left
Right turn - left arm up at the elbow or right arm out to the right
I heard that a big reason for the alternate right turn was that motorists unfamiliar with hand signals were misinterpreting the raised left arm.
#105
Senior Member
Right arm out to the right wouldn't work well when the turn signals on my truck go out. Maybe for Stretch Armstrong.....
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#108
tantum vehi
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Flathead Valley, MT
Posts: 4,465
Bikes: More than I care to admit
Liked 1,050 Times
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509 Posts
Subscribed
__________________
1970 Gitane TdF; 1973 Gitane TdF
1979 Trek 710; 1981 Trek 412; 1981 Trek 710
1984 Specialized Stumpjumper Sport; 1985 Specialized Allez SE; 1988 Specialized Sirrus; 1989 Specialized Rock Combo
1984 Ross Mt. Hood
1988 Centurion Ironman Expert
1991 Bridgestone RB-1
1992 Serotta Colorado TG
2015 Elephant NFE
1979 Trek 710; 1981 Trek 412; 1981 Trek 710
1984 Specialized Stumpjumper Sport; 1985 Specialized Allez SE; 1988 Specialized Sirrus; 1989 Specialized Rock Combo
1984 Ross Mt. Hood
1988 Centurion Ironman Expert
1991 Bridgestone RB-1
1992 Serotta Colorado TG
2015 Elephant NFE
#109
tantum vehi
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Flathead Valley, MT
Posts: 4,465
Bikes: More than I care to admit
Liked 1,050 Times
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509 Posts
I can’t believe nobody mentioned Kickstand Comics. I’ve been accused of “life imitating art,” but I promise, my condition started long before I found the comics…
I’ve read the entire series at least a couple times. Works well as bedtime reading.
I’ve read the entire series at least a couple times. Works well as bedtime reading.
__________________
1970 Gitane TdF; 1973 Gitane TdF
1979 Trek 710; 1981 Trek 412; 1981 Trek 710
1984 Specialized Stumpjumper Sport; 1985 Specialized Allez SE; 1988 Specialized Sirrus; 1989 Specialized Rock Combo
1984 Ross Mt. Hood
1988 Centurion Ironman Expert
1991 Bridgestone RB-1
1992 Serotta Colorado TG
2015 Elephant NFE
1979 Trek 710; 1981 Trek 412; 1981 Trek 710
1984 Specialized Stumpjumper Sport; 1985 Specialized Allez SE; 1988 Specialized Sirrus; 1989 Specialized Rock Combo
1984 Ross Mt. Hood
1988 Centurion Ironman Expert
1991 Bridgestone RB-1
1992 Serotta Colorado TG
2015 Elephant NFE
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#110
Groupetto Dragon-Ass
Weight Weenies and Cycling Snobs:
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#111
Groupetto Dragon-Ass
And probably one of the best series ever, Kickstand Cyclery's Yehuda Moon:
https://yehudamoon.com/chapter/comics/
https://yehudamoon.com/chapter/comics/
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#112
blahblahblah chrome moly
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#113
Senior Member
After just getting married the woman says; "Now that we're married, you need to get rid of some bikes."
He replies: "You sound just like my ex-wife."
She says: "I didn't know you were married before!"
He says; "I wasn't."
He replies: "You sound just like my ex-wife."
She says: "I didn't know you were married before!"
He says; "I wasn't."
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#114
Senior Member
FWIW: the most famous reported such incident - that of MLB Hall of Famer John Smoltz supposedly burning himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing at the time - is vehemently disputed by Smoltz.
The fact that the warning being real is plausible is IMO both funny and sad at the same time. And some of the labels in this article lead me to believe that, well, yeah: it's entirely plausible. Check out the "Rowenta Irons" warning!
As the late Robert A. Heinlein once put it: "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."
Last edited by Hondo6; 03-17-24 at 10:08 AM. Reason: Add second linked article and related info.
#115
blahblahblah chrome moly
Sexist, stupid, lame... but funny.
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#116
Passista
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 7,797
Bikes: 1998 Pinarello Asolo, 1992 KHS Montaña pro, 1980 Raleigh DL-1, IGH Hybrid, IGH Utility
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461 Posts
Dunno about that. Google indicates that there have been a number reported instances of people burning themselves doing exactly that. Given legal climates in many places, I can see a firm's legal advisor saying "put a warning about that on the label to cover our azz, liability-wise".
FWIW: the most famous reported such incident - that of MLB Hall of Famer John Smoltz supposedly burning himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing at the time - is vehemently disputed by Smoltz.
The fact that the warning being real is plausible is IMO both funny and sad at the same time. And some of the labels in this article lead me to believe that, well, yeah: it's entirely plausible. Check out the "Rowenta Irons" warning!
As the late Robert A. Heinlein once put it: "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."
FWIW: the most famous reported such incident - that of MLB Hall of Famer John Smoltz supposedly burning himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing at the time - is vehemently disputed by Smoltz.
The fact that the warning being real is plausible is IMO both funny and sad at the same time. And some of the labels in this article lead me to believe that, well, yeah: it's entirely plausible. Check out the "Rowenta Irons" warning!
As the late Robert A. Heinlein once put it: "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."
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#117
blahblahblah chrome moly
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected areas. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade in time. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool, process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. See label for frequency. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rocks. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.
You can drive it away today.
One size fits all
No muss, no fuss, no spills
You tired of kitchen drudgery
Skip the middle man
Don't settle for less
How do we do it?
How do we do it?
Volume! volume!
Turn up the volume!
That's right it filets
It chops, it dices, it slices
It never stops
Lasts a lifetime,
And it mows your lawn
It picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
It gets rid of embarrassing age spots
It delivers the pizza
And it lengthens
And it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been lodged under the
Chaise lounge for several weeks
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it's only a dollar...
If not completely satisfied
Mail back unused portion of product for a complete refund of price of purchase
Please allow thirty days for delivery
Don't be fooled by cheap imitations
You can
Live in it
Laugh in it
Love in it
Swim in it
Sleep in it
Live in it
Swim in it
Laugh in it
Love in it
And it removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets
That's right
And it entertains visiting relatives
It turns a sandwich into a banquet
Tired of being the life of the party
Change your shorts
Change your life
Change into a 9 year old Hindu boy
Get rid of your wife
And it walks your dog
And it doubles on sax
It gets rid of your gambling debts
It quits smoking
It's a friend, it's a companion
It's the only product you will ever need
It never needs ironing
Well it takes weights off hips
Bust
Thighs
Chin
Midriff
Gives you dandruff
And it finds you a job
It is a job
It's new, it's improved, it's old fashioned
Well it takes care of business
Never needs winding
Never needs winding
Never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak, and psoriasis
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak buddy
'Cause it's effective
It's defective
It disinfects
It's sanitised for your protection
It gives you an erection
It wins the election
Why put up with painful corns any longer
It's a redeemable coupon
No obligation
No salesman will visit your home
We need your bidness
We're going out of business
We'll give you the business
Get on the business end of our
Going out of business sale
Receive our free brochure
Free brochure
Read the easy to follow assembly instructions
Batteries not included
Send before midnight tomorrow
Terms available
You got it buddy
The large print giveth
And the small print taketh away
.One size fits all
No muss, no fuss, no spills
You tired of kitchen drudgery
Skip the middle man
Don't settle for less
How do we do it?
How do we do it?
Volume! volume!
Turn up the volume!
That's right it filets
It chops, it dices, it slices
It never stops
Lasts a lifetime,
And it mows your lawn
It picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
It gets rid of embarrassing age spots
It delivers the pizza
And it lengthens
And it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been lodged under the
Chaise lounge for several weeks
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it's only a dollar...
If not completely satisfied
Mail back unused portion of product for a complete refund of price of purchase
Please allow thirty days for delivery
Don't be fooled by cheap imitations
You can
Live in it
Laugh in it
Love in it
Swim in it
Sleep in it
Live in it
Swim in it
Laugh in it
Love in it
And it removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets
That's right
And it entertains visiting relatives
It turns a sandwich into a banquet
Tired of being the life of the party
Change your shorts
Change your life
Change into a 9 year old Hindu boy
Get rid of your wife
And it walks your dog
And it doubles on sax
It gets rid of your gambling debts
It quits smoking
It's a friend, it's a companion
It's the only product you will ever need
It never needs ironing
Well it takes weights off hips
Bust
Thighs
Chin
Midriff
Gives you dandruff
And it finds you a job
It is a job
It's new, it's improved, it's old fashioned
Well it takes care of business
Never needs winding
Never needs winding
Never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak, and psoriasis
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak buddy
'Cause it's effective
It's defective
It disinfects
It's sanitised for your protection
It gives you an erection
It wins the election
Why put up with painful corns any longer
It's a redeemable coupon
No obligation
No salesman will visit your home
We need your bidness
We're going out of business
We'll give you the business
Get on the business end of our
Going out of business sale
Receive our free brochure
Free brochure
Read the easy to follow assembly instructions
Batteries not included
Send before midnight tomorrow
Terms available
You got it buddy
The large print giveth
And the small print taketh away
Apologies for straying off-topic. I'll be strictly on topic from now on, honest.
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#118
Senior Member
Just look at those julienne fries!
(But wait, there's more....)
(But wait, there's more....)
#119
Senior Member
^^^^^^ NSFW alert (please to notify next time.....)
#120
Senior Member
IMO posting images that might be interpreted as being sexually suggestive, or somehow otherwise NSFW, is probably not a "good thing". Maybe post a link - along with a "possibly NSFW" warning - instead.
Some people may view this site at their workplace during a break. And these days many HR departments have zero sense of humor about things they deem NSFW being viewed on company IT equipment.
Some people may view this site at their workplace during a break. And these days many HR departments have zero sense of humor about things they deem NSFW being viewed on company IT equipment.
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#121
blahblahblah chrome moly
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#122
Senior Member
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#124
tantum vehi
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Flathead Valley, MT
Posts: 4,465
Bikes: More than I care to admit
Liked 1,050 Times
in
509 Posts
How many of us have done this?
__________________
1970 Gitane TdF; 1973 Gitane TdF
1979 Trek 710; 1981 Trek 412; 1981 Trek 710
1984 Specialized Stumpjumper Sport; 1985 Specialized Allez SE; 1988 Specialized Sirrus; 1989 Specialized Rock Combo
1984 Ross Mt. Hood
1988 Centurion Ironman Expert
1991 Bridgestone RB-1
1992 Serotta Colorado TG
2015 Elephant NFE
1979 Trek 710; 1981 Trek 412; 1981 Trek 710
1984 Specialized Stumpjumper Sport; 1985 Specialized Allez SE; 1988 Specialized Sirrus; 1989 Specialized Rock Combo
1984 Ross Mt. Hood
1988 Centurion Ironman Expert
1991 Bridgestone RB-1
1992 Serotta Colorado TG
2015 Elephant NFE
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#125
Standard Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Brunswick, Maine
Posts: 4,350
Bikes: 1948 P. Barnard & Son, 1962 Rudge Sports, 1963 Freddie Grubb Routier, 1980 Manufrance Hirondelle, 1983 F. Moser Sprint, 1989 Raleigh Technium Pre, 2001 Raleigh M80
Liked 1,055 Times
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524 Posts
First, I'd like to offer you a "quality bicycle" for five bucks:
Then, it gets better. no. Not free shipping. Free SHOPPING!
Then, it gets better. no. Not free shipping. Free SHOPPING!
__________________
"Chim-chiminey, chim-chiminey, chim-chim cheroo"
"Chim-chiminey, chim-chiminey, chim-chim cheroo"
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