Airwick

discuss.

LeeG

no, it was a great way visit my girlfriend. If two people can't coordinate with the others goals or interests then thats the way the cookie crumbles. I'm guessing that if a relationship gets rocky because one person wants to sit on their bike, kick a ball or take up knitting then the relationship is rocky before they got on the bike and getting on the bike is respite from the relationship as well as its own reward.

Airwick

Good point.

Still, many weeks away at a time spread out over years can be tough and hard to accept.

Niles H.

One girlfriend didn't like having my favorite bike in the house. I think she could tell I really liked it.

She gave me an ultimatum. Either I take the bike out of the house, or she would leave. It was just her way of expressing her desire (/jealousy/possessiveness).

If I were doing it over, I would have kept the bike in the house, by the bed, and said goodbye to her. Seriously.

She would have backed off and retracted the ultimatum -- but I would have said goodbye and told her it's over anyway.

It's like that.

And that's the way it is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoQb8vb4blA

LeeG

reality is hard to accept if you're expecting something else. I'd think if this is hard to accept and it's been happening for years there must be other things hard to accept when together.

LeeG

that's hysterical, those guys have tough knees

aggri1

My girlfriend left for a sixteen month tour through central Asia seven months ago now. With some other dude. I wasn't even allowed to join them for a while, she told me. Communications is limited to an email every few weeks or so, and will be even less when they get to bloody commy China and its censorship (closed off communications in the west, Xinjiang, now). She told me she's coming back to me next August. So totally clueless that she actually thought that that wasn't an absurd thing to do. I hope I don't sound bitter. Oh I do? Oh.

In response to the thread topic: Yeah, it's hurting.

As with everything, there has to be a balance and it's important that both parties are happy with the situation. Just as LeeG said: "If two people can't coordinate with the others goals or interests...".

Cheers, A.

Machka 

Touring, and long distance cycling, helped bring Rowan and I together. We had long periods of time apart on our respective continents, but we were able to get together for cycling at least once a year.

This is our story:
https://www.machka.net/aboutme/rowan_charlene.htm

antokelly

emm you guy's obviously think different than me .Aggri 1 have you taught of moving house, seriously if my wife toured for 18 months with another guy ,man she was dust.'yeah i would have a problem with my other half touring with somebody else or solo,mind you she dosent even ride a bike so why would i have a problem (but if she did)

Niles H.

Heinz Stücke got into a relationship with Zoya, a Belorussian woman, while on tour:

...Of course, Russia is not complete without," From Russia with love". Actually she is from Belorussia. When we met I was taking pictures on a bridge. Looking into the pond below I heard a sharp voice: "What are you doing there?". The KGB? No, two pretty girls standing behind me. One of them, the English speaker, is Zoya. "It's none of your ...". She is too pretty. We make an appointment. We meet again. She says she loves me. She is 36, divorced and has a daughter of 11 years old. We subsequently travelled together to some places by train. Among other places to Vorkuta (January 93), a coal mining town north of the Arctic Circle. It was -30 Celsius and blowing. Sometimes she joined me in places where I had previously arrived by bike. She also joined me when I arrived in Kyrgyzstan. From Bishkek we travelled by train to Hong Kong, from where she has since returned to her home in Minsk. Next I decided to go to Albania, one of only five "not yet seen countries"....

Threading my way up through previously only poorly visited countries in Eastern Europe I arrrived once more in Minsk.

For years I had been wanting to do Norway's spectacular coastal route but always quickly postponed it as "too expensive" or "too cold" or to be done when I am rich and/or old. But now it finally seemed the time to go. The approach route was exciting too. It's a long haul up from Minsk via the Karelias Lakes and beautiful Kishi churches to Murmansk, Russia's large northernmost city (69 degrees Lat.)

Battling rain, snow and winds for over 3 months and for 4000 km. Norway lived up to its bad reputation regarding weather, but also up to my highest expectations of beauty....

...The visa expired every 3 months. Each time, I travelled to exciting new destinations. Once to Kamchatka and Sakhalin. Another time to Bosnia, North Cyprus and Oman. Twice I went to F.S.P. in London, to pick photos for an exhibition in the W.T.C. in Osaka. Zoya came during the "cherry blossom" season. She liked Yakiniku and Sushi. A coffee costs 3 dollars! We travelled by fast train and the money travelled even faster!

I finally left Japan in autumn, 1995. On the way back to Europe I stopped in Korea, Hong Kong and Burma. Still searching for my "home base" in mind, a new "French version" of my booklet and a "first edition" set of postcards were ordered in Hong Kong. Much of 1999/2000 was spent cycling and selling in France. I learned French and travelled throughout most of the country. Egbert Steffen helped me get my new booklets trough the labyrinth of French customs bureaucracy. Whenever back in Paris, I was based with Emmanuelle and Dominique Cocusse.

Occasionally I met up with Zoya. She seemed less happy each time. However, I left for Cuba and went on to cycle 8,000 kms around the Gulf of Mexico. This made 2000 my second best year ever for cycled distance (18,320 km). Maybe this was a few miles too many Zoya had married another man! I have not recovered yet. We knew each other for 8 years. She was the only important woman in my life. Life seems empty right now, but sooner or later my travels will take over again....

Dave Nault

no but I'm planning on it........

TomM

Ouch, How did she meet the other dude?

aggri1

Hmm, well, he's an ex' of hers from years ago (before she met me), who's still obsessed with her. Sounds even more absurd hey?

antokelly, we're not married yet.

Aah, the "funny" things we experience in life sometimes. :-?

LeeG

she's traveling with an "ex" and you aren't "allowed" and you're not married "yet".


wow, that's some exquisite suffering.

valygrl

Why is it ok that you go away touring solo and not ok for her?

I met my guy while I was on tour - and he was on the road rock climbing. We have been together 5 years now. Of those, I have spent about 6 months on various self-supported tours and probably another 2 months on week-long supported tours. Of the self-supported tours, one was 2 months with one other man and one was 3 weeks with 2 other men. He has spent probably 12 months away from me climbing, while I was working, some of his trips have been with other women. We have been apart for up to 4 months at a time - either me touring or him climbing and working. We respect each other's needs to pursue our other passions that we don't completely share (I climb some, but he doesn't ride at all).

We trust each other. It works. Sure, we miss each other, but it just makes being together that much more special. Neither one of us would be happy and fulfilled people if we didn't do our sports.

CbadRider

People in the military do it all the time.

stevage

no. the only real problem is she isn't as fit as me so it's hard to do joint bike rides. for day rides the solution appears to be for me to ride my super heavy dual-suspension mountain bike, vs her cyclocross works surprisingly well!

aenlaasu

I haven't really faced this issue yet, but have discussed it at length with my husband. He's fully supportive and behind me all the way on the idea of me touring. Even if it involves dropping me off at the northern most extremes of Norway so I'm out of his hair for the football (soccer sort) World Cup next year.

The idea of being trapped in the house with several football games a day for a whole month? He's even talking about taking vacation time for it. I NEED to be gone for that.

Aside from that, I really think that in our situation that it is good for us to be clear on how we feel about such things. Particularly with my touring. Before we got married, he knew I loved cycling. Touring is a new development though, so I think it's important that we find our compromise with it since he wasn't aware with my obsession for vanishing for days, weeks and maybe a couple months at a time before we married. Neither was I.

Machka 

Rowan and I did it for most of our relationship ... and when it got tough we did bring up the "people in the military do it all the time" comment. Even now, we've been married for 14 months, and we've been together, on the same continent, living in the same house, for the last 4.5 months of that .... with the possibility looming over us that I may be informed I have to leave at some point within the next 2-3 months.


But why should a couple be apart because of touring? Why can't a couple tour together? Or if one is not really into cycling, why can't that one drive a support vehicle, or arrange to meet the other along the way or something? I've heard of couples touring Europe where she takes a train into the next town and goes shopping or whatever, while he cycles there. I've heard of other situations where he's off on a cross country tour or whatever, and she flies into various cities along the way for a weekend together. There are options.

Rowan

Nailed it in one short sentence.

There's also a degree of maturity needed -- on both sides of the relationship.

There needs to be a realisation that trust should not be abused, and that maturity should know where those boundaries are.

Cyclist0094

I had a girlfriend many years ago who was not into cycling and had some issues with the balance of time I devoted to riding and the time I devoted to her. The note she left on the door was " I hope your F----ng bicycles keep you warm at night! "

I still have that note.

Being older and somewhat more mature now, I have since learned to strike a balance , I bought a tandem!

Airwick

I hope everything works out for you. Reading what you wrote, sounds like you are being asked to accept too much.

My question wasn't about trust, but the strain touring can put on a relationship.

nancy sv

My husband and I met while touring and it's something we both doing. For a few years after the boys were born, I didn't ride at all, but he kept it up - didn't bother me in the least. But hten again, he only went for short tours of a few days at a time. DOn't know what I would have done if he had wanted to take off for longer.

SteveMiller

My compromise was that the engagement ring had to cost more than my touring rig. She planned most of the wedding while I was on tour.

Airwick

You Sir, are a very intelligent man.