Broctoon

My beloved better half has been riding with me for years. She is not very fast, and she has no heat (or cold) tolerance--conditions have to be very pleasant, or she won't go. She doesn't like riding in traffic, and won't go up long or steep hills. To her, long is anything over two miles, and steep is anything over 2%. But she's been gradually improving her stamina over the years, and she can go 25 miles or so on flat terrain. I accept the fact she'll never join me on a century ride over mountain passes in 90 degree heat. I'm just glad she's willing to go out and ride with me at all. It's something we really enjoy together. We have some easy MUPs in our area that she loves when the weather is nice, and I love any time spent on a bike.

Here's the trouble. She expects me to look the part. When I hop on my road bike for a 30, 50, or 100 mile ride at 18 MPH, I'm wearing my best bib shorts and tight fitting jersey. I'll have a few packets of Gu in my pocket, and wear my Oakley M2 Frame glasses. These things all make small but noticeable differences in my performance. Sometimes, when I'm joining my wife for a casual Saturday brunch run or whatever, I might decide to ride my 22 pound steel frame fixie. It has 32mm Gatorskins and about the most non-aero seating position possible. I might also choose an even heavier 3-speed city bike. Because I know we're only going 10 or 15 miles, and average speed will be about 12 MPH, I might choose some cargo shorts or joggers and a T-shirt, polo, or even a casual button-down. She gets a little upset and tells me I have to wear some more serious biking attire. Why? Because she's wearing her most performance-oriented clothes, and if someone sees us, she wants them to know we're avid bikers. In casual clothes, I might project the wrong image, and then people won't take us seriously. I've tried to tell her, "You wear whatever works for you. I'm fine with this comfortable outfit for today's ride." But that doesn't go over so well. She pretty much insists I dress up.

Anyone else have to dress the part for the sake of your riding partner's intended image?

freeranger

Don't have that problem. But then, I've never worn "cycling specific" kit. A decent wicking t-shirt and gym shorts over bike underwear with a chamois are the usual. Guess maybe because I rode nothing but a mtn.bike long before owning a road bike. Sorry, I know better than to offer advice on how someone might deal with their wife--it's not always easy dealing with one's own wife!! EDIT--maybe I should have added that my wife is not one who pays a lot of attention to what people think. And she likes riding--in fact, when we were mtn.biking frequently, she was fearless, and one hell of a rider over rock gardens. Yeah, I'm damn lucky!!

SurferRosa

What "people"? Are y'all interviewing for a job?

RB1-luvr

huh. My wife does not ride, but I'm certain if she did, she'd much rather have me wear the attire you wear when you ride with yours than my usual kit.

Iride01 

All I can say is at least she'll ride with you! For at least 15 years my wife has been saying she'll get a bike and go riding. But so far no dice. I've tried to entice her with everything from e-bikes to inexpensive cruisers and even a tandem bike.

She did the same thing when I had a sailboat I kept on the coast. She was always buying clothes for herself that she said would look good on the boat. However in the 10 years I had the boat, she went out with me all of two times.

blacknbluebikes 

Our conversations have not spread to attire (yet), but lately I've come to some perspective. What I do separately is cycling. What I do with my wife is bike riding. Two distinct activities that both involve two wheels. Speed is different, average wattage is different, everything is different. Solo is a workout objective. Together is a together objective. If I don't keep that straight, I'll eventually need a lawyer.

genejockey 

You have the opportunity to make her happy with a small gesture, at little cost to yourself. I mean, you have a wife who will ride with you AND who doesn't seem to mind your solo riding. Hell, get a tandem and matching kit, if it would make her happy!

ericoseveins

This is pretty fascinating. My wife and I don't really enforce any dress codes with each other. The closest behavior we have is spite-wearing clothing that the other has previously commented negatively on, like my Vibram Five Fingers shoes. I think the path of least resistance for you would be wearing Rapha City Shorts or similar casual gear that is nonetheless marketed as cycling-specific and high-performance. I know from experience that the Rapha City Shorts pair very well with Vibram Five Fingers shoes. Over time you might be able to explore your partner's ideas about being an avid biker, and what underlies her conviction about the importance of communicating this via clothing choices.

Darth Lefty 

I'd wear whatever she wanted if it got my wife to ride with me

CAT7RDR

So she wants you to be a poseur when with her?
That is rich.
I apologize if this seems rude.

Broctoon

That's what I said! (Or thought, at least.)

storckm

Not a problem I have, but I generally wear what my wife asks me to, at least more or less.

Broctoon

That's what I've been going with.

Troul 

Plan out the route, set the locations for stopping at...
wear the full deal, use the drop bar light bicycle & do your best average MPH when you ride with her.

Broctoon

Not at all. I see it the same way. But there is no way I'm going to tell her, "Sweetie, you can be a poseur if you like, but I'm going to be authentic. There is no justification for spandex at the intensity we're going to ride today." I try to encourage her and give lots of positive feedback, because that keeps her riding, which is the desired outcome. And frankly, 12 MPH for 10 or 15 miles is a pretty intense ride for her.

DonkeyShow

Had this one lady who would rock full nomex suit nearly everytime she took her gt3 out. Noobs are weird.

Calsun

I never wore what my mother thought was best for me and never have done this with my wife. I prefer to think for myself. You need to decide if harmony is more important than you choice of clothes. In the overall scheme of things it is a trivial matter.

It reminds me of the very old story of two celibate monks walking down the road and spotting a woman in difficulty getting across a stream. One of the monks carries her across on his back and then returns to his companion who is seething as they continue down the road. He asks the monk what is the matter and the monk says that he had no business carrying the woman across the stream. The monk responds that he put the woman down long ago but that his companion is still carrying the woman.

Maelochs

Always ride a little behind her, and whenever you pass people, pant and wheeze, so she can tell people "I keep telling him to get serious about cycling and get some decent gear but he won't listen."

bargainguy

So a wife that insists she can't be seen cycling with you without you wearing your special outfit. Not what you want to wear, but what she wants you to wear.

I'm thinking there's a bigger problem here than choice of attire. She is communicating in no uncertain terms that your choice of attire will reflect badly on her, if only by association.

So if you're wearing whatever you like, you are somehow dissing her, and she can't stand the implications inherent behind that idea.

Her easy answer is to get you to comply, because that solves all problems except one - your motivation to go riding with her under this stipulation. That might wane if this keeps up.

How short of a leash are you on otherwise? It sounds pretty short just from this one situation.

Eric F 

That's the safe decision. Happy wife, and all that.

IMO...She's participating in an activity that you're serious about, and when you ride the way you like to ride, you dress in "serious" attire. When she participates, and you wear casual clothes, it gives the appearance that you're dumbing things down to ride with her. I can see why she might not be thrilled about that. While you're correct that the advantages of lycra are diminished at low speeds, there's no disadvantage. If wearing the same clothing you wear when you ride by yourself helps keep her motivated to ride with you, it seems like an easy choice.

himespau 

This.

delbiker1 

I no longer have one of those. If I did, I would not care what she wanted me to wear, for cycling anyway. I am color blind and often took her hints on mismatching clothes, if we were going out.

Broctoon

Quote:

Originally Posted by bargainguy

How short of a leash are you on otherwise? It sounds pretty short just from this one situation.

Depends on the situation. In some areas she allows me a lot of freedom. In other things, she's pretty insistent that I/we do things her way.

But marriages are all about give and take. I could dress as I wish and tell her, "Too bad, I'm wearing this whether you like it or not." To that, she might say, "Then you can ride without me." Or she might still go along but not be in a good mood. So what have I gained? Or what is more important--that I dress as I prefer, or I get to ride with my sweetheart?

Fredo76

Well, I wore my teeth to my MIL's memorial service. Without being asked, even.

Broctoon

This is me during a recent century ride:




...and zip lining in Slovenia a few years ago:




Quite often, my preferred biking attire is more similar to the second picture. I've been told I don't look like a serious cyclist unless I'm dressed like the first one. I don't let it make me angry. I just found the situation interesting enough to bring up for discussion.